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The Seven Habits of Highly Effective Zombies

Zombie survival guides are a blood-stained dime a dozen, but won’t somebody please think of the zombies?  It’s a hard “life,” full of unending hunger, long monotonous stretches of boredom, a homogenous diet, and unceasing drool.  Plus, you never get to change into a clean pair of underwear, and that’s just bad luck.

Well, I’m somebody—a yummy body to the zombies—and I’m happy to oblige.  It seems fitting that I, man of alterity and otherness, would be considerate of the needs of zombies.  You don’t get much more otherwise than they.  So without further moaning, zombie-walk ado, I present seven habits of highly effective zombies.

  1. Get Involved in a Community – The lone wolf or isolated zombie is easily seen, easily avoided, and easily whacked.  Join a mass of your fellow flesh-eaters and stay hidden.  It offers you safety, strength in numbers, and a better chance of surrounding and getting your mouth on some of that living meat you so excitedly crave.
  1. Be Patient – Aristotle taught that virtue is a mean between excess and defect.  When you’re in a group advancing on your prey, don’t rush to the front where you’ll be the first to fall, and don’t meander at the very back where you’ll never get your hands on even a multiply-stomped-on strip of intestine.  You want to be close to the front, but biding your time.  Wait for the frontline zombies to wear down the food.  When it’s your turn to strike, your meal will be exhausted, out of bullets, and primed for you, the walking abattoir.
  1. Have Foresight – This habit is also important before you become a zombie.  If you know you’re doomed to be dinner and maybe to life as a zombie, try to get bitten on a part of your body that won’t slow you down or handicap you later.  Avoid bites on the leg.  You’ll want mobility.  The face is fine, but make sure you still have a working jaw.  You can get by without an arm, but you’ll be a much more effective killer with all your appendages intact.  I recommend guiding the gnawing jaw of a zombie to your chest or back.
  1. Keep Your Moaning to a Minimum – No sense in announcing your presence.  If your voice box alerts your prey, rip it out.   You’re a zombie; you can take the biblical injunction literally.
  1. Eat on the Run – Some zombies like to sit or crouch down to relax and enjoy their food.  This is usually unwise.  The living may be lurking, looking for distracted zombies to bash in the head.  If you must sit, have your back against a wall, and eat with your head up and your eyes peeled.  By the way, peeled eye is quite succulent if you can get your hands on some.
  1. Attack the Unarmed – This may seem a no brainer, but that’s part of your problem, isn’t it?  Stay away from humans with guns, blades, bats, and other weapons.  You may want to focus on anyone unarmed who could conceivably obtain a weapon and appears to have the knowhow to use it, but this approach obviously has its risks.
  1. Stalk Close Friends and Family – No one wants to shoot a spouse, parent, child, or good friend in the head.  Take advantage of this momentary hesitation to go in for the kill.  Beloved celebrities like Justin Bieber or Katy Perry should stalk their once adoring now delicious fans.  On the flip side, avoid your enemies, and, if you were a horrible boss, your former employees.  People lose their moral compass during a zombie apocalypse and won’t hesitate the blow the brains out of people they really hated if presented with the mere possibility that they’ve become zombies.  In The Simpsons, Zombie Flanders learned this the hard way when approaching his neighbor Homer, who, after shooting his undead foe, remarked, “He was a zombie?”

So there you have it.  Happy effective hunting!

Z.E.R.O. (Zombie Extermination, Research and Operations) Kit by OpticsPlanet

Imagine: You half-hear a low, guttural sound from outside as you lay sleeping. You figure it’s just your stomach after too much delicious Mexican food…image but a sudden thud on the outside wall of the house shakes you from a peaceful slumber. Deep within the primal centers of your brain, you realize the dead have risen to claim our once-peaceful realm. What do you do? What do you need?Z.E.R.O. Zombie Kit The dead have risen, and they’ve returned as something different. Those you were once closest to now hunger for your flesh, and possibly the Mexican food you had for dinner.

There is no room for error when dealing with the undead.Our Z.E.R.O. (Zombie Extermination, Research and Operations) Kit takes into account all the different aspects of surviving the looming zombie apocalypse. When the undead hordes rise from their shallow graves to wreak havoc on all decent civilization, you’ll need to both fight back (Extermination), and find a cure (Research).

Always be prepared. In the new zombie world you can be king of the hill, or the tastiest treat in town.

Life Post Zombie Apocalypse is Harsh…Survive it!

First, as in any disaster, whether it is a hurricane, blizzard, alien invasion or giant lizard attack, you need basic survival gear. Fighting back will be necessary as well, but you have to survive the elements and everyday hazards before you can mount an offensive.

Stanley First AidStanley First Aid treats bite wounds, scratches & more.

You’re sure to get a few cuts and bruises along the way so you need good first aid. The Stanley Personal Protection Large First Aid Kit will help you stop bleeding and take care of other wounds in no time. Zombies don’t have the best eyesight, but their sense of smell is on par with a bloodhound’s. There’s no scent as irresistibly alluring as blood, so make sure you clean and dress wounds when they happen. In addition to keeping zombie hordes from tracking you, treating wounds will prevent infection.

BlackHawk SOLAG GlovesPunching zombies is the most fun you can have, but only with BlackHawk SOLAG Gloves.

Preventing scrapes is the best way to keep blood from attracting zombies, so covering exposed skin with protective gear is essential. Blackhawk S.O.L.A.G. Kevlar Gloves keep hands safe from normal cuts, and the reinforced stitching stops zombie teeth from ripping through flesh and turning a healthy human into the enemy. Best of all, the molded knuckle protectors let you put a hard jab straight down the gullet of a walking dead monster in the event you’re unarmed.

Don’t Lose Your Head, Don’t Miss Your Shot, and Don’t Get Lost.

5.11 Tactical Field Ops WatchWatch It! The 5.11 Tactical Watch helps you take the perfect shot and get moving fast.

Knowing your surroundings and where you’re going is essential to survival in any setting. Make sure you’re wearing the 5.11 Tactical Field Ops Watch, which not only tells time, but also has a digital compass so you know your bearings. The integrated SureShot calculator gives you shooting solutions out to 1000ft so that you don’t need to carry one when you’re taking headshots out from 300 meters to save a loved one’s life. Zombies send panic through the hearts of even the most hardened men, so let the 5.11 Tactical Watch take the guesswork out of your long distance shots.

OPMOD PVS-14 Night Vision Scope Thermal-Eye X-50 Thermal Imaging CameraThermal Vision and Night Vision will prove essential for identifying the zombie menace in darkness.

In addition to knowing where you are, seeing what’s around you will definitely help you survive when a chomping, cadaverous fiend comes for a reckoning. For late night viewing, the OPMOD PVS-14 Night Vision Scope will let you peer into the darkness. When patrolling your camp in pitch blackness you have to be absolutely certain you can see everything, but at a distance it can be difficult to differentiate between an injured human and a zombie. For this we added the Thermal-Eye X-50 Thermal Imaging Camera. As we all know, rising from the grave expels most of the heat from a zombie, leaving behind only faint warmth in the lower extremities. So if you view a stumbling figure with warm feet and a cold head, you know to take the shot. Just as the 5.11 Tactical Watch lets you calculate elevation compensation for long shots, the thermal imager helps you shoot with the confidence, knowing you’re only going to re-kill the undead.

No one survives long without batteries. People are going to loot stores for all the batteries they can find when the dead rise, so stock up now with the SureFire 123A Lithium Battery Box. Ten or twenty batteries might be nice to have, but you’re not planning on living for just a few months, you’re going to live a full lifetime. The included SureFire battery box has FOUR HUNDRED batteries. They’re going to prove to be one of the most valuable forms of currency in the post-zombie world. While we only included one box in our Z.E.R.O. Kit, you might want to pick up a couple extra, plenty for yourself and plenty for trading. Just a few boxes could make you one of the richest men in the world!

Brunton SOLARIS Portable Solar Panel Battery ChargerCombine the outstanding charging power of the Solaris with its unique ability to distract zombies.

If you do run out of batteries and need to power your kit, asolar charger can become your best friend. Zombies have many horrifying abilities, but the one thing they can’t do is blot out the sun, so when you set up the powerful Brunton SOLARIS Portable Solar Panel Battery Charger you’ll enjoy 62 watts of power, which will keep your precious electronics working long after the power grids have shut down. As a side benefit, if a zombie attacks you near the solar charger you can yell out, “Left hand on Green!” and the zombie will forget your brains and focus on completing the task given them.

SureFire Benelli Forend LightThe SureFire Benelli Forend Light for shotguns turns a regular shotgun into a Zombie Destroyer!

While the hunger for human flesh overrides nearly all zombie impulses, certain childhood memories will temporarily replace their hunger. This is a short-lived solution though, as zombiescan’t tell right from left, and the resulting frustration will send them into a rage.

Give the Undead Nightmares by Taking the Fight to Them!

Once you’ve gathered your basic survival gear together, you need to think about how you’re going to dispatch those creeping, gnawing, nearly unkillable monsters. Your rifle, shotgun and handgun (one gun will not keep you alive long) need to be enhanced for maximum zombie-slaying effectiveness.

Zombie Stopper Holographic Weapon SightThe Zombie Stopper strikes fear into the hearts of undead creatures.

Let’s start with the bread and butter of any zombie-fighter: the shotgun. Zombies are only dangerous at close range, and they often stand idly until a delicious human comes along. If you’re clearing a house at night and a zombie steps around a corner you need to see exactly what you’re shooting at, and the SureFire Benelli M1 Super 90 Forend Weaponlight provides a bright 120 lumens of light without changing your grip or weighing down your shotgun. It uses the Lithium 123A batteries from the SureFire Battery Box, so you won’t need to worry about power. It’s both super durable and powerfully bright. This will give you plenty of light to see those lifeless eyes roll back once you’ve given your zombie attacker peace.

While you need to see if a zombie is hunting you in the blackness of night, to turn the tables and go from hunted to hunter you need the absolute best in rifle scopes and red dot sights. Enter EOTech and theirZombie Stopper Holographic Weapon Sight. This red dot sight gives you an appropriately zombie-themed reticle, and placing that biohazard design on a ghoulish skull will help steel you to always take the shot without hesitation. Even if you’re using the Zombie Stopper for hunting food it will always serve as a reminder that you must be aware of your surroundings.

Little known fact: zombies love the woods. If you’re hunting deer to feed your family keep in mind that a walking creature of the night could pop out from behind any tree or bush and make a feast of your brain.

Crimson Trace Zombie Edition Laser GripDon’t rely on a non-zombie specific laser grip.

When a large herd of zombies is converging on your position you may not have time to reload your rifle or shotgun and may need to quickly transition to your sidearm. Since speed is of the essence it’s best to have a laser grip on your Glock (the best zombie-slaying handgun). The Crimson Trace Zombie Edition Laser Gripactivates with a normal grip, so you don’t need to worry about pressing a button to turn it on. Seeing the red laser on your target ensures you’ll never miss a shot.

As a side benefit, zombies are drawn to the red light in much the same way a cat is (no surprise, as zombie infection comes from a feline-human hybrid virus). If you run out of ammo you can use this red laser grip to distract the zombies and make your escape!

Browning Zombie Apocalypse KnifeZombies fear blades like cats fear dogs, and vacuum cleaners.

That brings up an important point: much like batteries, ammunition will be scarce once the zombies cause the fall of civilized society. There are a few ways to deal with this. First,knives are both an outstanding survival tool and stalwart zombie killer. Browning understands this very well, which is why they developed a Zombie Apocalypse Knife.

The seven inch blade is for precision zombie hunters who sever brain stems like ninja assassins. The drop point blade is extra strong and will hold up to all the rigors of a zombie-plagued world.

While you’ll have to learn to rely on your knife when taking on the zombie masses, shooting a rifle is still easier and willdispatch zombies at a faster rate when faced with a large group of these horrors. As ammunition is sure to run low, you’ll need a way to reload your empty cartridges.

OPMOD Battle MugThe OPMOD Battle Mug: The only cup that can take down a zombie.

RCBS has reloading gear so tough you could bash out an undead brain and continue reloading immediately. From the RCBS Pro-Melt Furnace, for re-forging your bullets, to their Progressive Press, for getting your bullets into cartridges, you’ll be all set for the next nightmarish wave.

Don’t forget that at any moment a zombie can appear, so if you’re sitting by a campfire enjoying a glass of water you may not have your knife or gun in hand. It’s best to make sure ANYTHING in your hands is tactically sound, so never drink from a regular cup. Drink from the cup of survivors and champions the world over. The OPMOD Battle Mug is a super strong cup, made from aluminum and features a crenellated base for extra zombie smashing power. You can go from thirst-quenching to death-dealing in less than .45 seconds. We tested that.

Search for a Cure or You’ll Search for a Grave.

Unfortunately, all the gear so far is simply a stop-gap as long as the zombie disease rages on. You can take down thousands or even millions of risen dead and hardly make a dent in the overall undead army. Don’t think short term when prepping for the apocalypse. If you want a safe world for your children and grandchildren you must find a cure. For this you need the best laboratory equipment.

Labnet PipettesTest, test and test Again. Three tests should do it, by then you’ll have cured the zombie disease.

We’ve included Qorpak BeakersLabnet Pipettes and aCelestron Microscope so you can take samples and study the innermost workings of zombies. The destructive nature of their cells might lead you to a better understanding of their life expectancy or how to possibly treat their symptoms so they no longer hunger for human flesh.

Properly tamed, a zombie can do the physical labor of 30 men without tiring. You will only be able to determine if a zombie can be tamed through laboratory research.

Many hours of grueling arguments, exhaustive research and bite-dodging testing went into developing the selection ofzombie survival gear below.

The Z.E.R.O. Kit also includes night vision devicessolar chargersmulti toolstactical vestssunglasses, and much more. We’ve completed all this work to give you the best chance of surviving when Death returns to Earth with hell by his side. You only need to do two things: buy the Z.E.R.O. Kit and fight for your life.

All the zombie gear in this kit is listed below so you can purchase the items separately, but remember that the kit was very carefully put together to cover all your bases. Each item you choose NOT to buy is one less day you’ll live.

Zombie Prep – WHAT YOU NEED IN YOUR BUG OUT BAG

What is a Bug Out Bag?

A bug out bag is a bag (or several) that is supposed to last you for at least 72 hours. The original term was derived from the term ‘bail out bag’ used by many military aviators. The idea soon passed into wide usage among other military and law enforcement.

A bug out bag is to contain items for both leaving an emergency situation as well as going into an emergency situation.

A bug out bag is not required in order to survive, but it is HIGHLY RECOMMENDED!

So where to start?

First things first, you need to determine what the bug out bag is going to be used for. In this case, we’re going to be building a bug out bag for the zombie apocalypse. There are many different types of bug out bags, which means you can have one bag designated for a specific circumstance, such as a fire, earthquake, flood, etc.

But, we’re just going to stick with making one for the zombie apocalypse, since that’s what we do best! Which also means, that we’re going to be recommending items that are meant to last for a long time, instead of just 72 hours.

You’ll need a sturdy backpack. Hikers backpacks are always a great item, since they’re meant for durability. But make sure it’s not a cheap backpack, out of everything, this is the item that you’ll want to spend a bit of money on. Because this backpack will basically be carrying your basics for survival – so get a quality backpack!

What items should I include?

Now here’s the fun part! We’ll recommend several items that we believe you should include in your bug out bag, but don’t take us word-for-word. While these items are highly recommended, you may find that something else works better for you.

1. Containers: Having several containers at your disposal will be extremely useful. These containers can be anything from, water bottles, little kettles, water proof tupperware, etc. When choosing your containers, make sure that you can fit other stuff within the container, that way the container serves multiple purposes. So find random little containers to carry in your pack.

2. Water: This should be a no brainer but the water that you carry with you isn’t going to last forever. You need to find ways to purify water. Such as a little pot to boil water. Or purification tablets. Or even a mini water purifier that they sell at any outdoors store. Whatever you choose, make sure it’s durable and will last for at least several weeks.

3. Food: Canned foods are NOT GOOD! They are bulky and heavy, which will slow you down. One of our members has a bunch of dried foods in zip lock bags that were full of calories and carbohydrates. You want foods that will fill you up quick and give you energy. MRE’s are also good if you can get your hands on them. You should also invest in some fishing wire and hooks, so you can fish for your food.

4. Shelter: The ‘space’ blanket is a favorite of most, and it’s a good choice. Also, poncho’s and poncho liners will be incredible for the cold. With either the space blanket or poncho, you can throw those on around you, light up a little fire inside your poncho and you’d be toasty warm! Plus you’d be protected from getting wet. Finding something that is lightweight and durable will be a shelter lifesaver. A hammock might not be a bad idea, either, since they are generally lightweight and you can string them up practically anywhere.

5. Fire: We don’t recommend flashlights, although they can be great for the first 72 hours, unless you have 100 different flashlights and batteries to go with them (which is impractical to begin with) then you’re going to need an alternative for flashlights. Glow sticks are a great alternative. So is flint and steel. Remember, zombies are attracted to light, so we recommend getting used to the dark and ONLY using fire and light when you’re cooking or need to read a map or compass. Candles and water-proof matches are also a good idea.

6. Weapons: Ah I bet you were just WAITING for this section, weren’t ya? We’re not going to recommend individual weapons, that’s based on personal preference. But instead, just make sure you have enough bullets to get you through for a while and MAKE SURE to use them sparingly. You never know when you’ll come across more ammo, so only shoot when your life depends on it. Also have a few melee weapons available, like knifes, axes, machete’s and such, if not for fighting, then definitely for small game hunting, skinning fish, etc. Find weapons both for survival and for defense.

7. Rope & tape: We recommend 550 cord. It’s the toughest and most long-last rope you’ll ever need or want. We also recommend carrying some duct tape – cause you never know when you’ll need duct tape!

8. Shoes: These don’t go in your bug out bag necessarily, but having the proper shoes will go a long way in keeping you sane. If you have a bulky pack on your back and you’re having to walk A LOT, then having a good pair of shoes will be a life-saver. Be sure to break the shoes in BEFORE it’s time to flee.

9. First aid: Some people are more obsessed with first aid than others. It’s at least a good idea to have a few alcohol swabs, bandages, pair of tweezers, tourniquet (or handkerchief), as well as other varied pieces of first aid that you think you may need.

10. Misc: The rest of the items in your bag will depend on personal preference. An extra pair of clothes perhaps (under armor is highly recommended), carabiners, Zombie Response Team patch (coming soon!), a little radio (for the first 72 hours (or until the batteries run out) to hear news about what’s going on), a mini solar panel (HIGHLY recommended), a hat (to protect your head from the sun and other elements), gloves, compass, really warm socks, a little sewing kit, deck of cards (never know, you may be bored), a picture of loved ones, etc. The list can go on and on.

That about covers it!

Zombie Apocalypse Has Begun! PREPARE PREPARE – Outbreaks Occurring Nationwide

Beginning in May, on a sunny day in Miami, Florida, America began living its very own Zombie fantasy.   As you know, there are thousands of homeless people in the world. Well 65 year old Ronald Poppo, who was one of these unfortunates, was walking in an alley of down town Miami, when 31 year old Rudy Eugene decided he looked delicious. Eugene was found naked under a bridge, chewing on Poppo’s face. The Miami police yelled at Eugene to stop, but he wouldn’t and for Poppo’s safety, the police shot at Eugene. They shot at him in the chest several times but he was still alive, after shooting him even more, Eugene dropped to the ground dead. Poppo is now in a hospital in Miami. He is doing fine and is to have physical therapy.

Poppo is not the only zombie victim in the U.S. there was a woman who ate part of her baby’s brain, three of its toes, and part of its intestines. There was another college student who killed and ate his roommate. That definitely makes me not want to live in dorms. There was another attack where the man threw his own intestines at the police officers. Finally, a Canadian porn star lost it and ate someone, oh and also threatened the Prime Minister.

Yes, there are finally Zombies in North America and who knows if they are in any other part of the world. There is nothing we can do about it. Let’s face it; we all know that this country is all pretty screwed up. There are some crazy people in the country.

People are starting to say that the Zombie apocalypse is almost here. When I was younger, my mother joked around about the zombie apocalypse. I got really scared. Little did know that I was going to write an article about Zombies. People are freaking out about this when you are actually pretty safe. There is a 0.25 in a 10 percent chance that you would be a Zombie victim. But just in case, you should be ready for the Zombies next attack.

Look, everyone knows that the Zombies are coming and there is nothing we can do about it. Just be prepared. This is the updated list of the do’s and don’ts, and how to tell if Zombies are in your town.

Let’s start.

How do you know there are zombies in your town?

Well, if you start hearing crazy people chanting to themselves, then yeah they are on the verge on Zombie-hood (or they are in a popular teen cult…either way, probably bad news). We all know that the crazy people are going to become zombies first because they were neglected and left to live on the streets. You can also tell there are Zombies in the town when you hear screaming and police cars all night long. And the final way to see if there are Zombies in your town is if you see a lot of new (but empty) graves. That means one of three things:

A- The Zombies have been crawling out of their graves.

B- There have been a lot of deaths, which means that they died from Zombies eating them.

C- That pesky teen cult thing again.

How do you prepare for a Zombie apocalypse?

Two words: Get Weapons.

When picking your weapons, you want to get something that you can shoot or throw or stab them with from a long distance because you don’t want to get the Zombie juice on you. The main weapon that you want is a gun. When you get a gun, your first choice is a hand gun. Hand guns can hold more bullets and you can empty and re-lode fast. They are easy for travel and you can put them almost anywhere.  You want to make sure that you have more than one gun because the gun can get lost or broken. If you can’t get the gun, then you want a machete. Go ahead and cut off their heads. Make sure that you don’t get the Zombie juice in your blood through a cut or something…it will turn you into a Zombie. You can use pretty much anything, just kill the brain. Cut off the head then smash it. If you want you can burn it. Just don’t let any other Zombie eat the body because then the Zombie will get stronger.

After you get your weapons, you want to get a safe spot. I would say a basement because Zombies can’t lift heavy things or their limbs will fall off. Or you’re going to want to hide in an attic. You want to be as far away from a graveyard as possible. Try getting a cabin in the middle of the woods. Make sure that you have food storage because you don’t know how long you will be there.

How you know you got infected and what to do.

If you got any Zombie juice on you, and you didn’t disinfect it by burning the area you are probably on your way to being a Zombie. If it gets into your blood then kill yourself if you don’t what to become a Zombie. If you decide to kill yourself then you should knock yourself out and have someone throw you in a fire so you know that you won’t become a Zombie.  If the Zombie juice gets in your system without you knowing the symptoms of Zombieitis, you’re going to want to go through this check list:

 

  • Are you choking on nothing?
  • Do you have green splotches on your skin, dizziness, and craving for raw meat? Especially Brains?
  • Is your skin falling off like a leper?

If you said yes to any of these, you may want to kill yourself.

But you never know when they are going to crawl out of their grave…OH WAIT THEY HAVE!

Y’all had  better stop reading and start killing the Zombies

Awesome Homemade Zombie Apocalypse Killing Weapons

When the end comes eventually bullets will run out. Don’t toss your guns aside cause ya never know if and when you may run across a stash of ammo..but one thing is for sure…you will still have to protect yourself and those with you..so i present to you some of the best ideas to keep you swinging in the Z-POC