Tag Archives: cannibalism

Dept. of Homeland Security Warns of Impending Zombie Apocalypse

If there’s one thing Americans love, it’s the zombie apocalypse. I don’t know why, really. Although some people think that it would be cool to blow the heads off the undead and attempt to survive in a brutal post-apocalyptic landscape, most people would get their fat asses either gnawed on by zombies or shot by a survivalist looking for supplies. The harsh reality is that most people wouldn’t survive the zombie apocalypse, but we can keep dreaming that we’re the exception – we’re all Rick from The Walking Dead.

This month is National Preparedness Month, and the Department of Homeland Security is capitalizing on the never-ending zombie craze to make people start thinking about what they would do in the event of a disaster.

According to the AP, DHS is urging citizens to prepare for the zombie apocalypse. “The Zombies are coming!” they say.

Except they’re not. At least not right now. DHS’s message is that if you’re prepared for a zombie attack, you’ll likely be prepared for a hurricane, pandemic, earthquake, or terrorist attack. That’s because all of those events have something in common – the need for shelter, food, water, etc. DHS wants emergency planners across the country to use the “zombie attack” trope to get people into the disaster preparedness mindset.

Of course, this isn’t the first time that a government organization has mentioned the z word to citizens. Last year, the Centers for Disease Control actually acknowledged zombies and released their own zombie preparedness guide.

Here’s what the CDC says would happen, on a governmental response level:

If zombies did start roaming the streets, CDC would conduct an investigation much like any other disease outbreak. CDC would provide technical assistance to cities, states, or international partners dealing with a zombie infestation. This assistance might include consultation, lab testing and analysis, patient management and care, tracking of contacts, and infection control (including isolation and quarantine).

It’s likely that an investigation of this scenario would seek to accomplish several goals: determine the cause of the illness, the source of the infection/virus/toxin, learn how it is transmitted and how readily it is spread, how to break the cycle of transmission and thus prevent further cases, and how patients can best be treated. Not only would scientists be working to identify the cause and cure of the zombie outbreak, but CDC and other federal agencies would send medical teams and first responders to help those in affected areas (I will be volunteering the young nameless disease detectives for the field work).

Even though the CDC clearly has a plan, they officially denied the known existence of zombies after a rash of cannibalism stories hit the news earlier this year.

If you have the money and truly wish to prepare for the zombie apocalypse, you can’t go wrong with this kit for the 1%.

ZOMBIE OUTBREAK – Arrested for murder, eating raw brains and making penis soup

Authorities in Papua New Guinea have arrested 29 members of a suspected cannibal cult accused of killing seven people before eating their brains and making soup from their penises.

The accused are alleged to have been part of a 1000-strong group which was formed to take on suspected witch doctors.

They believed their victims had all been involved in ‘sanguma’, or sorcery, and that they had been demanding sex and money from villagers in return for exercising their spiritual powers.

A Madang Police Commander, Anthony Wagambie, confirmed reports that the cult members had eaten the victims’ brains raw and had made soup from their penises.

“They don’t think they’ve done anything wrong; they admit what they’ve done openly,” Wagambie said.

The group claimed witch doctors had begun charging large fees of 1,000 kina or $475 for casting out evil spirits and providing other services.

The accused also claimed the alleged witch doctors had begun demanding sex as payment.

The cult members believed that by eating the witch doctors’ body parts they would attain their spiritual powers, and become bullet-proof.

Reports claim that there could be between 700 and 1000 cult members in several remote PNG villages in the northeast interior.

The killings prompted police raids in the village of Biamb last week resulting in the 29 arrests.

The case has now been adjourned until the 17th of August so that the authorities can gather further evidence.

Whilst under the colonial rule of Australia the traditional culture of PNG retained isolated pockets of cannibalism into the latter part of the 20th century – human flesh was known as “long pig”.

In recent years there have been a number of cases of alleged witchcraft and cannibalism.

Last year a man was reportedly found eating his newborn son during a sorcery initiation ceremony.

In 2009 reports claim a woman was burnt alive at the stake in the Highlands town of Mount Hagen – the crime was also thought to be related to sorcery.

According to reports in The National newspaper 28 women and men appeared in court on Tuesday charged with murder – it was not clear what had happened to the 29th cult member.

Police have said they are gathering more evidence regarding the cannibalism before any charges are made relating to those crimes.

Murder is punishable by death penalty in Papua New Guinea.

Police Commander Anthony Wagambie said there could potentially be more arrests this weekend, maybe of another 100 people.

He also said that four of the victims had been murdered very recently, possibly even last week.

He added that none of the victims’ remains had been found,

“They’re probably all eaten up,” he said.