Tag Archives: hell

Zombies A Factor In Gun Sales Increase, Gun Rights Advocate Says

It’s not just President Obama’s re-election that’s lead to a spike in gun sales. The living dead are also providing a reason to stock up on firearms and ammo.

My Northwest.com reports that, according to FBI data, background checks for guns rose 20 percent on Black Friday from the same day last year. According to KIRO, one gun rights advocate said part of the reason for the increase is zombies.

“A lot of people appear to be really enthralled by this,” Dave Workman said. “I’ve seen lines of zombie targets, I know one or two ammunition companies have introduced boxes, lines of cartridges they called zombie cartridges, shotgun shells and rifle shells.”

The zombie-themed merchandise has ushered in a new generation of gun shooters, according to Workman.

Of course, the popularity of TV’s “Walking Dead,” heralds the coming of a zombie apocalypse for which we must prepare.

Those sentiments were echoed earlier this year by Texas gun purveyor Cris Parsons in an interview with ABC News.

He said products like Zombie Max ammunition (slogan: “just in case”) made by Hornady Manufacturing fly off the shelves.

“We can’t keep it in stock,” Parsons said. “It comes in a cool, colorful box with a Zombie on it.”

Clearly zombies are hot with gun fans, but what about other weapons? Could they too become the beneficiaries of a “zombie bump”? Absolutely, according to Detroit Free Press’ Eric Millikin.

“Zombies are also sure to increase sales of machetes, nunchucks, and prosthetic chainsaw hands,” he writes.

10 Essentials for Surviving the Zombie Apocalypse: A Practical Guide

In many ways, vampires and zombies are two sides to the same coin. Both are undead. Both spread their condition through bites. Both have specific methods in which they can be killed. But vampires are the patricians of the undead with fussy European accents, bright sparkly skin, cheerleader girlfriends, tailored suits, and slinky party dresses. Zombies, on the other hand, are strictly blue-collar and, I daresay, typically American. They roam the streets, disheveled, dispossessed, homeless. They are the middle class, marginalized into oblivion.

Taken singly, zombies are slow, idiotic, and relatively easy to kill. Laughable, even, with their witless drive and ungainly movements. One zombie? Destroy the brain, drop the shambler. But collectively, zombies are an inexorable force, knocking down chain-link fences, busting through windows, treating your neighbors like bowls of spinach dip. They’re the ultimate union. And their collective bargaining powers can’t be legislated away.

To survive the zombie apocalypse, you’re going to need a plan. Survival means you’re going to have to accept the blue-collar ethos that the zombies embody. Time to roll up your sleeves, put on your best Mike Rowe face, and get ready to do some dirty work. In no particular order, here are 10 essential items for surviving the zombie apocalypse. For a more in depth exploration into zombie apocalypse survival techniques and items, feel free to check out This Dark Earth, my zombie survival treatise-cum-novel. Wait. Not a cum-novel. Strike that last bit. Sheesh, you people.

1. Running Shoes
There’s a reason they’re called the walking dead. They don’t jog. They definitely don’t sprint. And if you’re in reasonably good shape, heart and lungs and brains in working order (in addition to being absolutely scrumptious), once the dead rise you’ll be getting a hellacious cardio workout. Good shoes are essential.
The world’s gone horribly pear-shaped and there’s shamblers toddling about everywhere, including the aisles of your local Whole Foods. Keep some granola bars handy. They’ll give you the burst of energy you need to scale the side of the building from the fifth floor to the roof, make the flying leap over to the fire escape. Also, just because the world has ended doesn’t mean you need to forget about having enough fiber in your diet.
Bet you thought I was going to say shotgun, didn’t you? Nope. Firing a gun in any semi-populated area after Zombieggedon is tantamount to ringing a big-ass dinner bell. What you need is a good old headknocker for up close wetwork. Up close and personal zombie disposal without drawing a crowd of shamblers.

Headknockers come in a variety of shapes and sizes. You can find one in every garage, every toolbox in America. A hammer, a hatchet, a crowbar, a two-by-four. A Louisville slugger. Destroy the brain and you’re good to go. Big plus: relatively quiet and no need to reload.

They secrete fluids from the mouth, the nose. Goo pours from their eyes and ears and other orifices. And that’s just the living homo sapiens. Zombies are a bajillion times worse and absolutely teeming with bacteria. You’ll need some wet-naps for cleaning up after a good session of ooey-gooey headknocking.
The Surgeon General recommends six to eight cups of water a day, on average. But since you’re gonna be running, jumping, climbing, and screaming all day long, you’ll probably need more. Get used to drinking from toilets.
Let’s face it. America is fat and only getting fatter. I’m just ballparking numbers here, but let’s say the average American weighs 170 pounds. So, New York is gonna have… Let’s see, 9 million times 170… New York’s gonna have 1,530,000,000 pounds of rotting human flesh sashaying about. That’s a billion and a half to you and me. You’re gonna want to sprinkle some Old Spice on your bandana and wrap it around your face to help with the stench.
Remember that leather jacket you got back in 1997 after browsing through a J. Crew catalog? I want you to dig that sucker out of the back of the closet and try to bite a hole in it. I’ll wait. See? It’s hard to bite through, isn’t it? When the zombies rise, you’ll want some good work gloves and a leather jacket. Dungarees. Steel-toed boots for stomping on zed skulls (if you’ve switched from running to last stand mode). A little leather can give you the protection you need when dealing with a onesy or twosy. A little protection can give you enough time for your buddy to brain Mr. Chompers while he’s gnawing on your forearm.

Any more zombies than two, your best bet is hunching over in a protective ball, placing your head between your legs and giving your gluteus maximus one last smooch in thanks for all the good times.

If you have Kevlar motorcycle gear, in addition to looking cool, you’re freaking gold, hombre.

Wal-Mart? Target? The mall? Whatever you do, don’t go to a large retail outlet in hopes of living out your Dawn of the Dead consumer fantasy. That’s where stupid people go, and stupid people usually become zombies. They’re halfway there, after all. Nope, what you need to find is a defensible building, hopefully brick, with few windows. Old WPA buildings, dams, power stations, water treatment plants. Anywhere that the government might’ve beefed up security after 911. Get yourself to a defensible position first! Worry about food and water later.
You’ve been bitten by the dead girl in the garage – Of course she didn’t need your help! She was just hungry for living flesh! – and you don’t have much time left before your husband starts resembling a talking sirloin steak. You’re gonna have to take yourself out, I’m afraid. You’ll want a large enough caliber to make sure your noggin is vaporized. Place the barrel on your soft palette, pointing toward the ceiling, and give it a squeeze. Your loved ones will thank you for not having to shoot you themselves. Well, some of them, anyway.
You’ve done it! You’ve reached safety, if only for a while. Now you need to reaffirm your humanity after all the running, screaming, headknocking, and death. Hopefully, along the way, you’ve run into another survivor with great abs and a canny ability to assess any situation. Best way to reaffirm your humanity? Sex. That’s right. Bow-chicka-bow. Life affirming, mind blowing sex.

Unless you’re into the weird stuff.

ZOMBIE SURVIVAL – Zombie Proof Suit



The #FX-1 FlexForce Modular Hard Shell Crowd Control System is the ultimate high-threat level riot control, domestic disturbance, and cell extraction suit. The FlexForce design provides substantial protection from blunt force trauma without sacrificing the fit or comfort. The suit is lightweight and ranks highest in easy to put on or take off in a moments notice. The front and back hard shell panels have a modular flex design allowing for all shapes and sizes to fit comfortably with out sacrificing much needed mobility. The forearm guard offers a much more comfortable elbow portion of the pad, which allows more flexibility. The knee/shin guard has a non-slip surface, which keeps you planted in position. Damascus is a legacy brand with well over 50 years of experience in glove and protective gear design. The Damascus brand product line focuses on head to toe non-ballistic protection. Damascus creates the latest in personal protection, from functionally superior cut-resistant gloves to cutting-edge, form-fitting duty gloves–as well as unmatched full-body riot control and tactical gear. Our products are worn with confidence by departments worldwide.

DOOMSDAY 2012: A New Age or a New World Order?

I see two events as the most probable for this date. A terrorist attack, which will bring with it the Dawn of the New Age of Man, or perhaps the collapse of the world economy, which would bring about the New World Order spoken of since the time of Woodrow Wilson’s presidency.

A terrorist attack of some sort may occur on 12/21/2012 and is most likely the event that world leaders are trying their best to prevent. After the events of 9/11, nothing would surprise me. The architects of the events of 9/11, Al-Qaida, planned the event to be carried out on 9/11/2001 as the numbers 911 refer to the phone number we here in America and other places as well, use to report an emergency. So if one or more terrorist organizations were to plan and try to execute an event on 12/21/2012, the supposed end of the world according to the Mayan calendar, it may not be as unexpected as one might think. Actually, the end of the Mayan calendar signifies the dawn of a New Age, not the end of the World as we know it.

Terrorist groups the world over have been trying to acquire nuclear weapons of any kind for some time now. We don’t know if they have succeeded in acquiring them,  but I think if they did, our government would do something about it, and then that information would be made public, so all the World would know. And I’m not sure if that type of information would be disseminated to the general public, as it may have unintended consequences.Panic and hysteria may ensue, and this may be the reaction that those involved are after.

So if someone or some group of people manages to create a disastrous event on this date, just how crippling to our world this event will be should be examined.

A concerted effort by radical terrorist groups Worldwide to act in unison on this date would be devastating. Mass bombings of buildings and infrastructure around the globe would be extremely debilitating. The worst case scenario in my opinion would be the detonation a nuclear device, or even multiple devices, on a global level. This would spell doom for the entire Planet.

Iran has been actively producing nuclear material for some time now, according to them, for peaceful purposes, i.e. nuclear power generation. But many in the International community, the United States included, think that they are trying to create a nuclear weapon. They have been hell bent on the destruction of Israel for decades, and this scenario on this date would create Armageddon. This definitely would bring about the Dawn of the New Age of Man. And it is a distinct possibility.

Now let us talk about the other possibility referred to herein, the New World Order.

The term was first used during Woodrow Wilson’s presidency, in reference to his creation of the League of Nations, a precursor to the United Nations, following the devastation of World War I. The term was used sparingly at the end of World War II when describing plans for the creation of the United Nations, in part because of the negative association to the failed League of Nations.

The most widely acknowledged use of the term in modern times was by President George H. W. Bush of the United States and President Mikhail Gorbachev of the Soviet Union to define the post-Cold War era.

The New World Order, and its possible enactment, has been deemed a conspiracy by several different groups of people to, in essence, start over, and Capitalists have been accused of leading the charge.

You see money, in my opinion, is a finite resource, and there is only so much of it to go around. Many will disagree with this statement, and it is only my opinion, not necessarily a fact. Be that as it may, Capitalists, since the dawn of time, want to make ungodly profits on their investments, for a multitude of reasons.  One only has to look at Exxon/Mobil for an example. Our planet is in the midst of a global recession, and their profits are in the hundreds of billions. Ungodly indeed.

Have you ever wondered why our government appears to prop up some third world countries? That’s because one or more American businessmen probably has a factory there, and it’s there because the wages paid to the work force in these countries are a tenth or less than the wages in the US. That makes it cheaper to manufacture and ship a product to the US than to manufacture it here because of our prevailing wages. And it allows the Capitalists the opportunity to make ungodly profits.

So here’s the conspiracy scenario. On December 21st, 2012, a disaster on a global scale befalls the planet. Whether it is a natural disaster or an intentional event created by some group of people with ulterior motives is yet to be determined. In short order, the world economy crashes, and transportation of goods stops. No ships to bring goods to America. The food supply will also be interrupted.

Then at some point in time, the government announces that US dollars are no longer a valid currency and USA bucks, or some similarly named item, will replace them. At ten cents on the dollar. So the $10,000.00 US dollars in your savings account will only be worth $1,000.00 USA bucks. The majority of the population in the US will exchange their US dollars for USA bucks because that’s all they can do. Black market buying of USD will begin as independent entrepreneurs realize what is happening and try to get in on the scam.

Capitalists and the wealthy will not exchange their US dollars because they already know the scam. Then when all the availableUS dollars are accounted for and replaced by USA bucks, then and only then will our government announce that we are returning to the US dollar as our only form of currency, and everyone will have to re-exchange their USA bucks for US dollars. Except for the rich and wealthy, who were in on the scam from the beginning and never exchanged their money in the first place. They will have prepared for the event by stockpiling food and water and anything else they would need to last them for five years or longer. And now their US dollars are worth ten times more than before.

And the rich get richer. And let us not forget, your wages will only be worth 10 cents on the dollar as a 9 dollar per hour minimum wage is now only 90 cents per hour. Similar to the wages in those third world countries. And everything starts over. And thus begins the New World Order. Or is it the New Age of Man? Hang on a minute, let me look at my scorecard.

I know it sounds crazy, but it could happen, couldn’t it?

Maybe. Maybe not. Anyway, let’s hope not.

Surviving the event begins next week, I promise.

Zombie-proof condos all sold out in Kansas, Canadians still have options

The units built out of an old missile silo had a list price of $2 million

If you are looking for something to protect yourself when zombies attack, we may have found just the abode for you. The only problem: the zombie-proof condos in Kansas have all sold out.

According to the Survival Condo website, all eight units have been purchased, although one sale is still pending.

The 1,820-square-foot condos come with an indoor pool (definitely not above ground) and spa, exercise facility, classroom, library, movie threatre, minor surgery centre and an elevator. Owners also get off-the-grid power thanks to a wind turbine and solar panels. Next to the sold notice, the website also states that they “now have an in-house dentist/orthodontist!!!!” on level 3a. Oh and did we mention it comes with a weapons cache.

All of this went for $2 million for a full floor.

The place was rated by Mother Nature Network as one of the “best U.S. places to survive the apocalypse.”

The condos weren’t dug into the ground, but are made from an old missile silo in Concordia, Kansas. The silo was build to withstand a nuclear explosion and according to Rocket City News is considered to be “one of the strongest structures built by man.”

“Construction is well under way,” reads the Survival Condo website. “The new steel structure is built and the top five floors are poured and being built out for the owners. The new septic system is complete and the new water system is nearing completion.”

If you weren’t one of the people who were able to purchase a zombie-proof home, the B.C. government has put together some advice on fending off the brain eaters. It recommends having a full gas tank, having an emergency kit in your home, office and car and having an out-of-province contact.

It launched a blog on the Emergency Info BC website in May to tell people what to do in case of a real emergency such as an earthquake, flood or tsunami.

A recent survey found nine per cent of Canadians believe the Mayan prediction that the world will end in 2012. In the event this minority’s belief is correct, escaping into a bunker is an option in Canada. Bruce Beach has built the world’s largest privately-constructed nuclear fallout shelter in Horning’s Mills, Ont., about an hour and a half from Toronto. It’s called Ark Two. The shelter is constructed from the shells of 42 school buses, which were buried underground in the 1980s as moulds for the poured concrete bunker.

(Image from Survival Condo)