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Dept. of Homeland Security Warns of Impending Zombie Apocalypse

If there’s one thing Americans love, it’s the zombie apocalypse. I don’t know why, really. Although some people think that it would be cool to blow the heads off the undead and attempt to survive in a brutal post-apocalyptic landscape, most people would get their fat asses either gnawed on by zombies or shot by a survivalist looking for supplies. The harsh reality is that most people wouldn’t survive the zombie apocalypse, but we can keep dreaming that we’re the exception – we’re all Rick from The Walking Dead.

This month is National Preparedness Month, and the Department of Homeland Security is capitalizing on the never-ending zombie craze to make people start thinking about what they would do in the event of a disaster.

According to the AP, DHS is urging citizens to prepare for the zombie apocalypse. “The Zombies are coming!” they say.

Except they’re not. At least not right now. DHS’s message is that if you’re prepared for a zombie attack, you’ll likely be prepared for a hurricane, pandemic, earthquake, or terrorist attack. That’s because all of those events have something in common – the need for shelter, food, water, etc. DHS wants emergency planners across the country to use the “zombie attack” trope to get people into the disaster preparedness mindset.

Of course, this isn’t the first time that a government organization has mentioned the z word to citizens. Last year, the Centers for Disease Control actually acknowledged zombies and released their own zombie preparedness guide.

Here’s what the CDC says would happen, on a governmental response level:

If zombies did start roaming the streets, CDC would conduct an investigation much like any other disease outbreak. CDC would provide technical assistance to cities, states, or international partners dealing with a zombie infestation. This assistance might include consultation, lab testing and analysis, patient management and care, tracking of contacts, and infection control (including isolation and quarantine).

It’s likely that an investigation of this scenario would seek to accomplish several goals: determine the cause of the illness, the source of the infection/virus/toxin, learn how it is transmitted and how readily it is spread, how to break the cycle of transmission and thus prevent further cases, and how patients can best be treated. Not only would scientists be working to identify the cause and cure of the zombie outbreak, but CDC and other federal agencies would send medical teams and first responders to help those in affected areas (I will be volunteering the young nameless disease detectives for the field work).

Even though the CDC clearly has a plan, they officially denied the known existence of zombies after a rash of cannibalism stories hit the news earlier this year.

If you have the money and truly wish to prepare for the zombie apocalypse, you can’t go wrong with this kit for the 1%.

Z.E.R.O. (Zombie Extermination, Research and Operations) Kit by OpticsPlanet

Imagine: You half-hear a low, guttural sound from outside as you lay sleeping. You figure it’s just your stomach after too much delicious Mexican food…image but a sudden thud on the outside wall of the house shakes you from a peaceful slumber. Deep within the primal centers of your brain, you realize the dead have risen to claim our once-peaceful realm. What do you do? What do you need?Z.E.R.O. Zombie Kit The dead have risen, and they’ve returned as something different. Those you were once closest to now hunger for your flesh, and possibly the Mexican food you had for dinner.

There is no room for error when dealing with the undead.Our Z.E.R.O. (Zombie Extermination, Research and Operations) Kit takes into account all the different aspects of surviving the looming zombie apocalypse. When the undead hordes rise from their shallow graves to wreak havoc on all decent civilization, you’ll need to both fight back (Extermination), and find a cure (Research).

Always be prepared. In the new zombie world you can be king of the hill, or the tastiest treat in town.

Life Post Zombie Apocalypse is Harsh…Survive it!

First, as in any disaster, whether it is a hurricane, blizzard, alien invasion or giant lizard attack, you need basic survival gear. Fighting back will be necessary as well, but you have to survive the elements and everyday hazards before you can mount an offensive.

Stanley First AidStanley First Aid treats bite wounds, scratches & more.

You’re sure to get a few cuts and bruises along the way so you need good first aid. The Stanley Personal Protection Large First Aid Kit will help you stop bleeding and take care of other wounds in no time. Zombies don’t have the best eyesight, but their sense of smell is on par with a bloodhound’s. There’s no scent as irresistibly alluring as blood, so make sure you clean and dress wounds when they happen. In addition to keeping zombie hordes from tracking you, treating wounds will prevent infection.

BlackHawk SOLAG GlovesPunching zombies is the most fun you can have, but only with BlackHawk SOLAG Gloves.

Preventing scrapes is the best way to keep blood from attracting zombies, so covering exposed skin with protective gear is essential. Blackhawk S.O.L.A.G. Kevlar Gloves keep hands safe from normal cuts, and the reinforced stitching stops zombie teeth from ripping through flesh and turning a healthy human into the enemy. Best of all, the molded knuckle protectors let you put a hard jab straight down the gullet of a walking dead monster in the event you’re unarmed.

Don’t Lose Your Head, Don’t Miss Your Shot, and Don’t Get Lost.

5.11 Tactical Field Ops WatchWatch It! The 5.11 Tactical Watch helps you take the perfect shot and get moving fast.

Knowing your surroundings and where you’re going is essential to survival in any setting. Make sure you’re wearing the 5.11 Tactical Field Ops Watch, which not only tells time, but also has a digital compass so you know your bearings. The integrated SureShot calculator gives you shooting solutions out to 1000ft so that you don’t need to carry one when you’re taking headshots out from 300 meters to save a loved one’s life. Zombies send panic through the hearts of even the most hardened men, so let the 5.11 Tactical Watch take the guesswork out of your long distance shots.

OPMOD PVS-14 Night Vision Scope Thermal-Eye X-50 Thermal Imaging CameraThermal Vision and Night Vision will prove essential for identifying the zombie menace in darkness.

In addition to knowing where you are, seeing what’s around you will definitely help you survive when a chomping, cadaverous fiend comes for a reckoning. For late night viewing, the OPMOD PVS-14 Night Vision Scope will let you peer into the darkness. When patrolling your camp in pitch blackness you have to be absolutely certain you can see everything, but at a distance it can be difficult to differentiate between an injured human and a zombie. For this we added the Thermal-Eye X-50 Thermal Imaging Camera. As we all know, rising from the grave expels most of the heat from a zombie, leaving behind only faint warmth in the lower extremities. So if you view a stumbling figure with warm feet and a cold head, you know to take the shot. Just as the 5.11 Tactical Watch lets you calculate elevation compensation for long shots, the thermal imager helps you shoot with the confidence, knowing you’re only going to re-kill the undead.

No one survives long without batteries. People are going to loot stores for all the batteries they can find when the dead rise, so stock up now with the SureFire 123A Lithium Battery Box. Ten or twenty batteries might be nice to have, but you’re not planning on living for just a few months, you’re going to live a full lifetime. The included SureFire battery box has FOUR HUNDRED batteries. They’re going to prove to be one of the most valuable forms of currency in the post-zombie world. While we only included one box in our Z.E.R.O. Kit, you might want to pick up a couple extra, plenty for yourself and plenty for trading. Just a few boxes could make you one of the richest men in the world!

Brunton SOLARIS Portable Solar Panel Battery ChargerCombine the outstanding charging power of the Solaris with its unique ability to distract zombies.

If you do run out of batteries and need to power your kit, asolar charger can become your best friend. Zombies have many horrifying abilities, but the one thing they can’t do is blot out the sun, so when you set up the powerful Brunton SOLARIS Portable Solar Panel Battery Charger you’ll enjoy 62 watts of power, which will keep your precious electronics working long after the power grids have shut down. As a side benefit, if a zombie attacks you near the solar charger you can yell out, “Left hand on Green!” and the zombie will forget your brains and focus on completing the task given them.

SureFire Benelli Forend LightThe SureFire Benelli Forend Light for shotguns turns a regular shotgun into a Zombie Destroyer!

While the hunger for human flesh overrides nearly all zombie impulses, certain childhood memories will temporarily replace their hunger. This is a short-lived solution though, as zombiescan’t tell right from left, and the resulting frustration will send them into a rage.

Give the Undead Nightmares by Taking the Fight to Them!

Once you’ve gathered your basic survival gear together, you need to think about how you’re going to dispatch those creeping, gnawing, nearly unkillable monsters. Your rifle, shotgun and handgun (one gun will not keep you alive long) need to be enhanced for maximum zombie-slaying effectiveness.

Zombie Stopper Holographic Weapon SightThe Zombie Stopper strikes fear into the hearts of undead creatures.

Let’s start with the bread and butter of any zombie-fighter: the shotgun. Zombies are only dangerous at close range, and they often stand idly until a delicious human comes along. If you’re clearing a house at night and a zombie steps around a corner you need to see exactly what you’re shooting at, and the SureFire Benelli M1 Super 90 Forend Weaponlight provides a bright 120 lumens of light without changing your grip or weighing down your shotgun. It uses the Lithium 123A batteries from the SureFire Battery Box, so you won’t need to worry about power. It’s both super durable and powerfully bright. This will give you plenty of light to see those lifeless eyes roll back once you’ve given your zombie attacker peace.

While you need to see if a zombie is hunting you in the blackness of night, to turn the tables and go from hunted to hunter you need the absolute best in rifle scopes and red dot sights. Enter EOTech and theirZombie Stopper Holographic Weapon Sight. This red dot sight gives you an appropriately zombie-themed reticle, and placing that biohazard design on a ghoulish skull will help steel you to always take the shot without hesitation. Even if you’re using the Zombie Stopper for hunting food it will always serve as a reminder that you must be aware of your surroundings.

Little known fact: zombies love the woods. If you’re hunting deer to feed your family keep in mind that a walking creature of the night could pop out from behind any tree or bush and make a feast of your brain.

Crimson Trace Zombie Edition Laser GripDon’t rely on a non-zombie specific laser grip.

When a large herd of zombies is converging on your position you may not have time to reload your rifle or shotgun and may need to quickly transition to your sidearm. Since speed is of the essence it’s best to have a laser grip on your Glock (the best zombie-slaying handgun). The Crimson Trace Zombie Edition Laser Gripactivates with a normal grip, so you don’t need to worry about pressing a button to turn it on. Seeing the red laser on your target ensures you’ll never miss a shot.

As a side benefit, zombies are drawn to the red light in much the same way a cat is (no surprise, as zombie infection comes from a feline-human hybrid virus). If you run out of ammo you can use this red laser grip to distract the zombies and make your escape!

Browning Zombie Apocalypse KnifeZombies fear blades like cats fear dogs, and vacuum cleaners.

That brings up an important point: much like batteries, ammunition will be scarce once the zombies cause the fall of civilized society. There are a few ways to deal with this. First,knives are both an outstanding survival tool and stalwart zombie killer. Browning understands this very well, which is why they developed a Zombie Apocalypse Knife.

The seven inch blade is for precision zombie hunters who sever brain stems like ninja assassins. The drop point blade is extra strong and will hold up to all the rigors of a zombie-plagued world.

While you’ll have to learn to rely on your knife when taking on the zombie masses, shooting a rifle is still easier and willdispatch zombies at a faster rate when faced with a large group of these horrors. As ammunition is sure to run low, you’ll need a way to reload your empty cartridges.

OPMOD Battle MugThe OPMOD Battle Mug: The only cup that can take down a zombie.

RCBS has reloading gear so tough you could bash out an undead brain and continue reloading immediately. From the RCBS Pro-Melt Furnace, for re-forging your bullets, to their Progressive Press, for getting your bullets into cartridges, you’ll be all set for the next nightmarish wave.

Don’t forget that at any moment a zombie can appear, so if you’re sitting by a campfire enjoying a glass of water you may not have your knife or gun in hand. It’s best to make sure ANYTHING in your hands is tactically sound, so never drink from a regular cup. Drink from the cup of survivors and champions the world over. The OPMOD Battle Mug is a super strong cup, made from aluminum and features a crenellated base for extra zombie smashing power. You can go from thirst-quenching to death-dealing in less than .45 seconds. We tested that.

Search for a Cure or You’ll Search for a Grave.

Unfortunately, all the gear so far is simply a stop-gap as long as the zombie disease rages on. You can take down thousands or even millions of risen dead and hardly make a dent in the overall undead army. Don’t think short term when prepping for the apocalypse. If you want a safe world for your children and grandchildren you must find a cure. For this you need the best laboratory equipment.

Labnet PipettesTest, test and test Again. Three tests should do it, by then you’ll have cured the zombie disease.

We’ve included Qorpak BeakersLabnet Pipettes and aCelestron Microscope so you can take samples and study the innermost workings of zombies. The destructive nature of their cells might lead you to a better understanding of their life expectancy or how to possibly treat their symptoms so they no longer hunger for human flesh.

Properly tamed, a zombie can do the physical labor of 30 men without tiring. You will only be able to determine if a zombie can be tamed through laboratory research.

Many hours of grueling arguments, exhaustive research and bite-dodging testing went into developing the selection ofzombie survival gear below.

The Z.E.R.O. Kit also includes night vision devicessolar chargersmulti toolstactical vestssunglasses, and much more. We’ve completed all this work to give you the best chance of surviving when Death returns to Earth with hell by his side. You only need to do two things: buy the Z.E.R.O. Kit and fight for your life.

All the zombie gear in this kit is listed below so you can purchase the items separately, but remember that the kit was very carefully put together to cover all your bases. Each item you choose NOT to buy is one less day you’ll live.


Steve Carell’s new movie, Seeking a Friend for the End of the World, opened yesterday. Despite its being billed as a comedy (one with a rather dreary basis), the movie has gotten a lot of people thinking about one thing: if a killer asteroid was headed toward Earth, is there anything we could do as a species to avoid doomsday?

The unfortunate truth is that the world would probably be helpless to do anything.

When doomsday scenarios are considered, planners usually give months or even years advance notice time to come up with a plan to divert the colliding body and save the world. Now, as the events of last week show, huge asteroids can, literally, just pop out of the cosmos and into our neighborhood just a few days after discovery.

Right now, there are millions of known asteroids (and untold numbers more undiscovered) floating around the solar system, mostly between Mars and Jupiter, safely out of Earth’s way. Of the millions of asteroids, over 8,800 are classified as near-Earth. Of the near-Earth objects, just over 4,700 are considered as potentially hazardous, which is defined as an object over 500 feet in diameter that can come within 4.6 million miles of Earth.

Obviously, a metallic space rock 500 feet across traveling at up to 15 miles per second could do an immense amount of damage. For comparison, the object (most likely a comet) that caused the Tunguska Incident was probably less than 100 yards (300 feet across) but still leveled forests for over 1,000 square miles.

Needless to say, if a Tunguska-sized object were to hit a populated area, the death toll would be apocalyptic. Large impactor? Worldwide devastation and possibly an end to civilization as we know it. So, if scientists were to discover a doomsday asteroid on a collision course with Earth, could we do anything about it or would we simply have to resign ourselves to a terrible fate and possibly go down in history like the dinosaurs?

The problem with many doomsday scenarios: when contemplating ways to defend our planet, many planners always give several months and often years of notice. Problem: asteroids have a way of sneaking up on us, which is not hard to do considering that there are more people working at the average McDonald’s than there are full-time asteroid hunters manning the world’s observatories. Earlier this year, it was reported that Los Alamos had completed a study wherein nuclear weapons showed promise in deflecting asteroids but, for many, such a scenario should be considered last resort, not first option.

The widely agreed upon solution: early detection, which can only be achieved through a vigilant watch of the skies by skilled astronomers, professionals and amateurs alike.

Top 5 places to watch it all go down End of the World 2012

End of the world where to watch 2012

Tourists are seen at the Copan ruins. Doomsday tourists are expected to flock to Copan, an ancient Mayan ruin, before Dec. 21, 2012, which some believe the Mayans predicted to be the end of the world. (Jose Cabezas/AFP/Getty Images)

End of the World 2012: Top 5 places to watch it all go down

Whatever you believe will happen on Dec. 21, 2012, it is an auspicious year to travel to the Mayan heartland.

 PLAYA DEL CARMEN, Mexico — It might be the end of the world, and what better place to be than where the doomsday theory all began.

No matter what you believe will or will not happen on Dec. 21, 2012, the day Mesoamerican astronomers pegged as the end of their 5,125-year long count calendar, one thing is certain: 2012 is an auspicious year to travel to the Mayan heartland.

Though there is no evidence that the Maya foretold any specific earthly event or cataclysm, it is an important cycle-ending nevertheless, and an excuse to celebrate and cleanse.

It’s also a reason to explore the Maya region. The most popular dates to travel to Mundo Maya — the common term for the region that includes southern Mexico, Guatemala, Belize, Honduras and El Salvador — are the summer solstice (June 20), the autumnal equinox (Sept. 21), and, of course, the winter solstice, which the Mayans call “13 b’aktun,” or Dec. 21.

There will be raucous celebrations, solemn fire ceremonies and a curious excitement at all minor and major Maya archaeological sites throughout the year. The biggest challenge is deciding where to begin. Here are the top 5 Mayan hotspots to mark whatever it is that might happen on Dec. 21, 2012.

Uxmal, Mexico

The best gateway to this stunning archaeological site is the city of Merida, a colonial jewel and wonderful destination in its own right. One of Merida’s main attractions is access to the Puuc Route, a distinctive chain of Maya archaeological sites that includes Uxmal, Kabah, Sayil and Labna.

Stay at the wood-creaking Hacienda Uxmal, a stone’s throw from one of the Mayan world’s most detailed, stunning sites. Jacqueline Kennedy Onassis, Queen Elizabeth and the Shah of Iran have all stayed there. This December, Hacienda Uxmal will be the setting for Wilderness Travel’s “World of the Maya: Cycles of Time Symposium and Travel Event,” which will give 80 participants the chance to spend Dec. 21, 2012 with the world’s top Mayan studies scholars.

Riviera Maya, Mexico

Why should the end of the world be a hassle? Flying into Cancun is a breeze from most cities, and there are tens of thousands of beachside rooms from which to watch the calamity, or lack thereof, unfold. Stay in an over-the-top five-diamond, all-inclusive resort like Grand Velas or Hacienda Tres Rios, or choose a more budget-minded place in Playa del Carmen or Akumel. No matter what your thread-count is, you’ll have immediate access to many natural and Maya-related archaeological sites, theme parks and sacred water pits known as “cenotes.”

San Ignacio, Belize

The Cayo District in Western Belize has rivers, ruins and access to vast swaths of forest, including the Peten wilderness of northern Guatemala (and the Guatemalan archaeological sites of Tikal, Yaxha, and Uaxantun).

The whole area revolves around the tranquil town of San Ignacio, where a small, diverse population clings to the hillside and riverbanks. The Mopan and Macal Rivers meet here to form the Belize River, which runs out to the Caribbean. Cayo also boasts the best selection of jungle lodges anywhere in Central America, including many small, off-grid eco-resorts on the upper Macal. Some of these, notably The Lodge at Chaa Creek, are offering special tours and retreats in honor of 2012. There is a large event planned for Dec. 21, 2012 at Xunantunich archaeological site, and special solstice camping permits are being issued at Caracol.

Lago de Atitlan, Guatemala

This long-time escape for budget travelers and Spanish-language students is usually accessed via Antigua, Guatemala, a UNESCO World Heritage town of 35,000. Use Antigua as your base, then head west (and up) to one of the densest populations of living Maya in the world, where modern-day shamans still keep the calendars alive and are performing purification ceremonies throughout 2012. Here, in the volcanic hills surrounding Lago de Atitlan — the deepest, most scenic lake in all of Central America — scores of lakeside and upcountry communities offer tourism opportunities from primitive homestays to small, luxurious spas and resorts. All will have unique 2012 offerings.

Copan, Honduras

Honduras’ contribution to the Maya world consists of a single grand ancient city near its western border with Guatemala. The precision and detail of Copan’s artists and scribes earned it the nickname: “The Athens of the Maya world.”

More from GlobalPost: Video: New York’s Radio Doomsday

Copan does not tower vertically as Tikal does, to the north. But what it lacks in altitude, it makes up for in rich, important history, a gorgeous, tranquil valley, and an interesting selection of health-related retreat possibilities. Access Copan by flying into San Pedro Sula, Honduras, or drive there from Guatemala City or Antigua. You’ll stay in Copan Ruinas, a cozy little tourist town only a 20-minute walk from the main archaeological site. There are also Maya sweat lodges, spas, yoga retreats, and planned 2012 festivals

Awesome Homemade Zombie Apocalypse Killing Weapons

When the end comes eventually bullets will run out. Don’t toss your guns aside cause ya never know if and when you may run across a stash of ammo..but one thing is for sure…you will still have to protect yourself and those with you..so i present to you some of the best ideas to keep you swinging in the Z-POC