Category Archives: Doomsday survival tips

10 Essentials for Surviving the Zombie Apocalypse: A Practical Guide

In many ways, vampires and zombies are two sides to the same coin. Both are undead. Both spread their condition through bites. Both have specific methods in which they can be killed. But vampires are the patricians of the undead with fussy European accents, bright sparkly skin, cheerleader girlfriends, tailored suits, and slinky party dresses. Zombies, on the other hand, are strictly blue-collar and, I daresay, typically American. They roam the streets, disheveled, dispossessed, homeless. They are the middle class, marginalized into oblivion.

Taken singly, zombies are slow, idiotic, and relatively easy to kill. Laughable, even, with their witless drive and ungainly movements. One zombie? Destroy the brain, drop the shambler. But collectively, zombies are an inexorable force, knocking down chain-link fences, busting through windows, treating your neighbors like bowls of spinach dip. They’re the ultimate union. And their collective bargaining powers can’t be legislated away.

To survive the zombie apocalypse, you’re going to need a plan. Survival means you’re going to have to accept the blue-collar ethos that the zombies embody. Time to roll up your sleeves, put on your best Mike Rowe face, and get ready to do some dirty work. In no particular order, here are 10 essential items for surviving the zombie apocalypse. For a more in depth exploration into zombie apocalypse survival techniques and items, feel free to check out This Dark Earth, my zombie survival treatise-cum-novel. Wait. Not a cum-novel. Strike that last bit. Sheesh, you people.

1. Running Shoes
There’s a reason they’re called the walking dead. They don’t jog. They definitely don’t sprint. And if you’re in reasonably good shape, heart and lungs and brains in working order (in addition to being absolutely scrumptious), once the dead rise you’ll be getting a hellacious cardio workout. Good shoes are essential.
The world’s gone horribly pear-shaped and there’s shamblers toddling about everywhere, including the aisles of your local Whole Foods. Keep some granola bars handy. They’ll give you the burst of energy you need to scale the side of the building from the fifth floor to the roof, make the flying leap over to the fire escape. Also, just because the world has ended doesn’t mean you need to forget about having enough fiber in your diet.
Bet you thought I was going to say shotgun, didn’t you? Nope. Firing a gun in any semi-populated area after Zombieggedon is tantamount to ringing a big-ass dinner bell. What you need is a good old headknocker for up close wetwork. Up close and personal zombie disposal without drawing a crowd of shamblers.

Headknockers come in a variety of shapes and sizes. You can find one in every garage, every toolbox in America. A hammer, a hatchet, a crowbar, a two-by-four. A Louisville slugger. Destroy the brain and you’re good to go. Big plus: relatively quiet and no need to reload.

They secrete fluids from the mouth, the nose. Goo pours from their eyes and ears and other orifices. And that’s just the living homo sapiens. Zombies are a bajillion times worse and absolutely teeming with bacteria. You’ll need some wet-naps for cleaning up after a good session of ooey-gooey headknocking.
The Surgeon General recommends six to eight cups of water a day, on average. But since you’re gonna be running, jumping, climbing, and screaming all day long, you’ll probably need more. Get used to drinking from toilets.
Let’s face it. America is fat and only getting fatter. I’m just ballparking numbers here, but let’s say the average American weighs 170 pounds. So, New York is gonna have… Let’s see, 9 million times 170… New York’s gonna have 1,530,000,000 pounds of rotting human flesh sashaying about. That’s a billion and a half to you and me. You’re gonna want to sprinkle some Old Spice on your bandana and wrap it around your face to help with the stench.
Remember that leather jacket you got back in 1997 after browsing through a J. Crew catalog? I want you to dig that sucker out of the back of the closet and try to bite a hole in it. I’ll wait. See? It’s hard to bite through, isn’t it? When the zombies rise, you’ll want some good work gloves and a leather jacket. Dungarees. Steel-toed boots for stomping on zed skulls (if you’ve switched from running to last stand mode). A little leather can give you the protection you need when dealing with a onesy or twosy. A little protection can give you enough time for your buddy to brain Mr. Chompers while he’s gnawing on your forearm.

Any more zombies than two, your best bet is hunching over in a protective ball, placing your head between your legs and giving your gluteus maximus one last smooch in thanks for all the good times.

If you have Kevlar motorcycle gear, in addition to looking cool, you’re freaking gold, hombre.

Wal-Mart? Target? The mall? Whatever you do, don’t go to a large retail outlet in hopes of living out your Dawn of the Dead consumer fantasy. That’s where stupid people go, and stupid people usually become zombies. They’re halfway there, after all. Nope, what you need to find is a defensible building, hopefully brick, with few windows. Old WPA buildings, dams, power stations, water treatment plants. Anywhere that the government might’ve beefed up security after 911. Get yourself to a defensible position first! Worry about food and water later.
You’ve been bitten by the dead girl in the garage – Of course she didn’t need your help! She was just hungry for living flesh! – and you don’t have much time left before your husband starts resembling a talking sirloin steak. You’re gonna have to take yourself out, I’m afraid. You’ll want a large enough caliber to make sure your noggin is vaporized. Place the barrel on your soft palette, pointing toward the ceiling, and give it a squeeze. Your loved ones will thank you for not having to shoot you themselves. Well, some of them, anyway.
You’ve done it! You’ve reached safety, if only for a while. Now you need to reaffirm your humanity after all the running, screaming, headknocking, and death. Hopefully, along the way, you’ve run into another survivor with great abs and a canny ability to assess any situation. Best way to reaffirm your humanity? Sex. That’s right. Bow-chicka-bow. Life affirming, mind blowing sex.

Unless you’re into the weird stuff.

ZOMBIE SURVIVAL – ULTIMATE WEAPON GUIDE

Everything You’re Ever Going To Need For The Zombie Apocalypse

ZOMBIE SURVIVAL – Zombie Proof Suit

 

 

The #FX-1 FlexForce Modular Hard Shell Crowd Control System is the ultimate high-threat level riot control, domestic disturbance, and cell extraction suit. The FlexForce design provides substantial protection from blunt force trauma without sacrificing the fit or comfort. The suit is lightweight and ranks highest in easy to put on or take off in a moments notice. The front and back hard shell panels have a modular flex design allowing for all shapes and sizes to fit comfortably with out sacrificing much needed mobility. The forearm guard offers a much more comfortable elbow portion of the pad, which allows more flexibility. The knee/shin guard has a non-slip surface, which keeps you planted in position. Damascus is a legacy brand with well over 50 years of experience in glove and protective gear design. The Damascus brand product line focuses on head to toe non-ballistic protection. Damascus creates the latest in personal protection, from functionally superior cut-resistant gloves to cutting-edge, form-fitting duty gloves–as well as unmatched full-body riot control and tactical gear. Our products are worn with confidence by departments worldwide.

Z.E.R.O. (Zombie Extermination, Research and Operations) Kit by OpticsPlanet

Imagine: You half-hear a low, guttural sound from outside as you lay sleeping. You figure it’s just your stomach after too much delicious Mexican food…image but a sudden thud on the outside wall of the house shakes you from a peaceful slumber. Deep within the primal centers of your brain, you realize the dead have risen to claim our once-peaceful realm. What do you do? What do you need?Z.E.R.O. Zombie Kit The dead have risen, and they’ve returned as something different. Those you were once closest to now hunger for your flesh, and possibly the Mexican food you had for dinner.

There is no room for error when dealing with the undead.Our Z.E.R.O. (Zombie Extermination, Research and Operations) Kit takes into account all the different aspects of surviving the looming zombie apocalypse. When the undead hordes rise from their shallow graves to wreak havoc on all decent civilization, you’ll need to both fight back (Extermination), and find a cure (Research).

Always be prepared. In the new zombie world you can be king of the hill, or the tastiest treat in town.

Life Post Zombie Apocalypse is Harsh…Survive it!

First, as in any disaster, whether it is a hurricane, blizzard, alien invasion or giant lizard attack, you need basic survival gear. Fighting back will be necessary as well, but you have to survive the elements and everyday hazards before you can mount an offensive.

Stanley First AidStanley First Aid treats bite wounds, scratches & more.

You’re sure to get a few cuts and bruises along the way so you need good first aid. The Stanley Personal Protection Large First Aid Kit will help you stop bleeding and take care of other wounds in no time. Zombies don’t have the best eyesight, but their sense of smell is on par with a bloodhound’s. There’s no scent as irresistibly alluring as blood, so make sure you clean and dress wounds when they happen. In addition to keeping zombie hordes from tracking you, treating wounds will prevent infection.

BlackHawk SOLAG GlovesPunching zombies is the most fun you can have, but only with BlackHawk SOLAG Gloves.

Preventing scrapes is the best way to keep blood from attracting zombies, so covering exposed skin with protective gear is essential. Blackhawk S.O.L.A.G. Kevlar Gloves keep hands safe from normal cuts, and the reinforced stitching stops zombie teeth from ripping through flesh and turning a healthy human into the enemy. Best of all, the molded knuckle protectors let you put a hard jab straight down the gullet of a walking dead monster in the event you’re unarmed.

Don’t Lose Your Head, Don’t Miss Your Shot, and Don’t Get Lost.

5.11 Tactical Field Ops WatchWatch It! The 5.11 Tactical Watch helps you take the perfect shot and get moving fast.

Knowing your surroundings and where you’re going is essential to survival in any setting. Make sure you’re wearing the 5.11 Tactical Field Ops Watch, which not only tells time, but also has a digital compass so you know your bearings. The integrated SureShot calculator gives you shooting solutions out to 1000ft so that you don’t need to carry one when you’re taking headshots out from 300 meters to save a loved one’s life. Zombies send panic through the hearts of even the most hardened men, so let the 5.11 Tactical Watch take the guesswork out of your long distance shots.

OPMOD PVS-14 Night Vision Scope Thermal-Eye X-50 Thermal Imaging CameraThermal Vision and Night Vision will prove essential for identifying the zombie menace in darkness.

In addition to knowing where you are, seeing what’s around you will definitely help you survive when a chomping, cadaverous fiend comes for a reckoning. For late night viewing, the OPMOD PVS-14 Night Vision Scope will let you peer into the darkness. When patrolling your camp in pitch blackness you have to be absolutely certain you can see everything, but at a distance it can be difficult to differentiate between an injured human and a zombie. For this we added the Thermal-Eye X-50 Thermal Imaging Camera. As we all know, rising from the grave expels most of the heat from a zombie, leaving behind only faint warmth in the lower extremities. So if you view a stumbling figure with warm feet and a cold head, you know to take the shot. Just as the 5.11 Tactical Watch lets you calculate elevation compensation for long shots, the thermal imager helps you shoot with the confidence, knowing you’re only going to re-kill the undead.

No one survives long without batteries. People are going to loot stores for all the batteries they can find when the dead rise, so stock up now with the SureFire 123A Lithium Battery Box. Ten or twenty batteries might be nice to have, but you’re not planning on living for just a few months, you’re going to live a full lifetime. The included SureFire battery box has FOUR HUNDRED batteries. They’re going to prove to be one of the most valuable forms of currency in the post-zombie world. While we only included one box in our Z.E.R.O. Kit, you might want to pick up a couple extra, plenty for yourself and plenty for trading. Just a few boxes could make you one of the richest men in the world!

Brunton SOLARIS Portable Solar Panel Battery ChargerCombine the outstanding charging power of the Solaris with its unique ability to distract zombies.

If you do run out of batteries and need to power your kit, asolar charger can become your best friend. Zombies have many horrifying abilities, but the one thing they can’t do is blot out the sun, so when you set up the powerful Brunton SOLARIS Portable Solar Panel Battery Charger you’ll enjoy 62 watts of power, which will keep your precious electronics working long after the power grids have shut down. As a side benefit, if a zombie attacks you near the solar charger you can yell out, “Left hand on Green!” and the zombie will forget your brains and focus on completing the task given them.

SureFire Benelli Forend LightThe SureFire Benelli Forend Light for shotguns turns a regular shotgun into a Zombie Destroyer!

While the hunger for human flesh overrides nearly all zombie impulses, certain childhood memories will temporarily replace their hunger. This is a short-lived solution though, as zombiescan’t tell right from left, and the resulting frustration will send them into a rage.

Give the Undead Nightmares by Taking the Fight to Them!

Once you’ve gathered your basic survival gear together, you need to think about how you’re going to dispatch those creeping, gnawing, nearly unkillable monsters. Your rifle, shotgun and handgun (one gun will not keep you alive long) need to be enhanced for maximum zombie-slaying effectiveness.

Zombie Stopper Holographic Weapon SightThe Zombie Stopper strikes fear into the hearts of undead creatures.

Let’s start with the bread and butter of any zombie-fighter: the shotgun. Zombies are only dangerous at close range, and they often stand idly until a delicious human comes along. If you’re clearing a house at night and a zombie steps around a corner you need to see exactly what you’re shooting at, and the SureFire Benelli M1 Super 90 Forend Weaponlight provides a bright 120 lumens of light without changing your grip or weighing down your shotgun. It uses the Lithium 123A batteries from the SureFire Battery Box, so you won’t need to worry about power. It’s both super durable and powerfully bright. This will give you plenty of light to see those lifeless eyes roll back once you’ve given your zombie attacker peace.

While you need to see if a zombie is hunting you in the blackness of night, to turn the tables and go from hunted to hunter you need the absolute best in rifle scopes and red dot sights. Enter EOTech and theirZombie Stopper Holographic Weapon Sight. This red dot sight gives you an appropriately zombie-themed reticle, and placing that biohazard design on a ghoulish skull will help steel you to always take the shot without hesitation. Even if you’re using the Zombie Stopper for hunting food it will always serve as a reminder that you must be aware of your surroundings.

Little known fact: zombies love the woods. If you’re hunting deer to feed your family keep in mind that a walking creature of the night could pop out from behind any tree or bush and make a feast of your brain.

Crimson Trace Zombie Edition Laser GripDon’t rely on a non-zombie specific laser grip.

When a large herd of zombies is converging on your position you may not have time to reload your rifle or shotgun and may need to quickly transition to your sidearm. Since speed is of the essence it’s best to have a laser grip on your Glock (the best zombie-slaying handgun). The Crimson Trace Zombie Edition Laser Gripactivates with a normal grip, so you don’t need to worry about pressing a button to turn it on. Seeing the red laser on your target ensures you’ll never miss a shot.

As a side benefit, zombies are drawn to the red light in much the same way a cat is (no surprise, as zombie infection comes from a feline-human hybrid virus). If you run out of ammo you can use this red laser grip to distract the zombies and make your escape!

Browning Zombie Apocalypse KnifeZombies fear blades like cats fear dogs, and vacuum cleaners.

That brings up an important point: much like batteries, ammunition will be scarce once the zombies cause the fall of civilized society. There are a few ways to deal with this. First,knives are both an outstanding survival tool and stalwart zombie killer. Browning understands this very well, which is why they developed a Zombie Apocalypse Knife.

The seven inch blade is for precision zombie hunters who sever brain stems like ninja assassins. The drop point blade is extra strong and will hold up to all the rigors of a zombie-plagued world.

While you’ll have to learn to rely on your knife when taking on the zombie masses, shooting a rifle is still easier and willdispatch zombies at a faster rate when faced with a large group of these horrors. As ammunition is sure to run low, you’ll need a way to reload your empty cartridges.

OPMOD Battle MugThe OPMOD Battle Mug: The only cup that can take down a zombie.

RCBS has reloading gear so tough you could bash out an undead brain and continue reloading immediately. From the RCBS Pro-Melt Furnace, for re-forging your bullets, to their Progressive Press, for getting your bullets into cartridges, you’ll be all set for the next nightmarish wave.

Don’t forget that at any moment a zombie can appear, so if you’re sitting by a campfire enjoying a glass of water you may not have your knife or gun in hand. It’s best to make sure ANYTHING in your hands is tactically sound, so never drink from a regular cup. Drink from the cup of survivors and champions the world over. The OPMOD Battle Mug is a super strong cup, made from aluminum and features a crenellated base for extra zombie smashing power. You can go from thirst-quenching to death-dealing in less than .45 seconds. We tested that.

Search for a Cure or You’ll Search for a Grave.

Unfortunately, all the gear so far is simply a stop-gap as long as the zombie disease rages on. You can take down thousands or even millions of risen dead and hardly make a dent in the overall undead army. Don’t think short term when prepping for the apocalypse. If you want a safe world for your children and grandchildren you must find a cure. For this you need the best laboratory equipment.

Labnet PipettesTest, test and test Again. Three tests should do it, by then you’ll have cured the zombie disease.

We’ve included Qorpak BeakersLabnet Pipettes and aCelestron Microscope so you can take samples and study the innermost workings of zombies. The destructive nature of their cells might lead you to a better understanding of their life expectancy or how to possibly treat their symptoms so they no longer hunger for human flesh.

Properly tamed, a zombie can do the physical labor of 30 men without tiring. You will only be able to determine if a zombie can be tamed through laboratory research.

Many hours of grueling arguments, exhaustive research and bite-dodging testing went into developing the selection ofzombie survival gear below.

The Z.E.R.O. Kit also includes night vision devicessolar chargersmulti toolstactical vestssunglasses, and much more. We’ve completed all this work to give you the best chance of surviving when Death returns to Earth with hell by his side. You only need to do two things: buy the Z.E.R.O. Kit and fight for your life.

All the zombie gear in this kit is listed below so you can purchase the items separately, but remember that the kit was very carefully put together to cover all your bases. Each item you choose NOT to buy is one less day you’ll live.

Gadgets to help you survive a power outage

(CNN) — Our electronic gadgets make life easier in a lot of ways.

But when power sources falter, as they did for nearly 2 million people in the Eastern United States this weekend after massive storms hit, digital communication tools can become useless at a crucial time.

Whether the problem is losing the ability to talk and text on a cellphone or suddenly being without news sources when the juice in a tablet or laptop fizzles out, our increasingly digital lives mean dealing with darkness and rough weather aren’t our only concerns when the power’s out.

Nothing is going to make an extended power outage easy. But here are a few items to consider should you find yourself powered down by Mother Nature.

1. Hand-crank radio

Listening to the radio for the news might seem decidedly old-school for the Twitter-and-tablet obsessed news junkie of the digital age. But when all else fails, the tried-and-true radio waves can be a valuable way to keep up with local weather and other news in the event of an outage, especially when you can power it up when all your other electronics fail.

There are several radios out there that let you juice up the battery with a hand crank. For example, the Grundig FR200 advertises access to AM, FM and two shortwave channels, a design makers say makes it weatherproof, and an LED emergency light.

2. Battery charger

When communication is vital, one more phone call or text message could be critical. So, whether it’s just recharging long enough to do that, or hoping to literally weather the storm for longer, a backup charger can keep you plugged in (figuratively, if not literally).

“Juice packs” can be bought for $100 or less (Mophie, for one, makes them for Apple and Android devices) and many of the chargers double as protective cases for your smartphone or tablet. Alternately, battery-powered backup chargers like the Zagg Sparqcan provide several full charges for your mobile devices after the usual electrical options are gone.

You can even find chargers that use solar power; so as long as you’ve got a dry spot and at least a brief break from the rain, Mother Nature can help bail you out.

3. Light source

Of course, you should have flashlights and fresh batteries around.

But finding them in the dark can be it’s own challenge. And, sometimes, you just need a steady source of light, not one you have to tote around. There are battery powered lights on sale for less than $30 that you can keep plugged into an outlet. When the power goes out, they automatically come on, saving you those moments of fumbling.

There also are slightly more exotic products, like the Striker Magnetic LED Light, which is about the size of a golf ball and designed to stick to surfaces.

4. Power inverter

If you need to power up something a little bigger than a phone, a power inverter might be a useful tool. If you want to be able to use a laptop or desktop computer during an outage, this may be the way to go.

The inverter can be used to convert DC power from your car battery into AC juice that can be used for things usually plugged in to a wall outlet.

Places like Batteries Plus, as well as most computer stores, usually have these around in a wide range of power. Ask an employee how much of a charge you need for what you want to do.