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ARIZONA ZOMBIE PREPPERS – Necessities to survive the zombie apocalypse and where to get them

The zombie apocalypse is imminent. The particulars are still uncertain, but what does it matter, really? The world is about to be overrun by walking, cannibalistic corpses, and that’s all you need to know. If you want to survive this inevitable disaster, you have some shopping to do. Here are some essential items you can get at local stores:

Ruger 10/22 rifle: $250 at Second Amendment Sports

A .22 rifle is really all you need to kill zombies, because it doesn’t matter how big the hole is if you shoot them in the head. The Ruger 10/22 is one of the most popular rifles and is relatively cheap. It also makes a great gift for that special someone you’re hoping to repopulate the planet with.

Federal Ammunition Lightning .22LR Ammunition: $2 per 50-round box at Walmart

This higher-powered .22 ammo packs a bit more of a punch while still being dirt-cheap. Both the cheapest and the most important item on this list, ammunition will be the first thing stores run out of when the zombies attack, so buy lots of it now and go shoot some targets to hone your skills.

Gray-Nicolls Evo Slayer Youth Cricket Bat: $70 at Sports Authority

No zombie-killing arsenal would be complete without a solid wooden bat for close-quarters fighting, so why not class it up and smash skulls the British way? This particular cricket bat not only has a badass name but also has wicked tribal decals in a zombie-riffic black-and-green color scheme.

Alpinestars Bionic 2 Protection Jacket: $200 at Cycle Gear

Riding a motorcycle has its perks: better gas mileage, a high adrenaline rush and exponentially-increased risk of death. But did you know bikers also sometimes wear a suit of high-tech synthetic armor, which happens to be perfect for fighting zombies? This armored jacket is bite-proof and impact-resistant, so it should make significant headway in keeping you alive.

MSR MiniWorks EX Water Filter: $90 at REI

Any large-scale disaster, especially in Arizona, threatens the availability of clean drinking water. Having a good water filter means you can turn slimy green puddles into drinking water, so you don’t die of dehydration or dysentery. Don’t be the one who dies of chronic diarrhea in the middle of the zombie uprising, it’s just embarrassing.

REI Flash 62 Pack: $190 at REI

You’ll need a good backpack to carry your gear and any supplies you find while you’re on the move. This pack has lots of storage space, snazzy styling and puts the weight on your hips instead of your shoulders so you can carry more weight for a longer period of time.

Leatherman Blast Multi Tool: $55 at Sportsman’s Warehouse

Leatherman tools are basically Swiss Army knives on steroids. This one has a knife, saw, file, screwdriver, scissors, can-opener and pliers, making it invaluable for life after Z-Day. Cheaper versions exist, but this model is a good balance between cost and utility.

Total: $865

This might seem like a lot, but surviving the zombie apocalypse is priceless. Even the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention have taken notice, writing up a full guide for survival ­— clearly, this is a viable threat. You can find the CDC guide online at http://www.cdc.gov/phpr/zombies.htm.

LQP-79 The Zombie Virus

The LQP-79 virus is not like a zombie virus from the movies which you can never destroy or which progresses rapidly. The virus works very much like the common flu virus and can take as long as 48 hours for symptoms to occur. The LQP-79 mental virus can be cleaned up with common sense and household chemicals if you suspect something has been contaminated. If you have an open wound or break in the skin and a blood transfer takes place there is not know cure for the LQP-79 virus and mind disease.

One you have been infected with LQP-79 virus you must be isolated from society until a cure can be found or you must be destroyed to stop the spread of this deadly mental disorder. The LQP-79 virus can be spread by anyone within speaking distance and word of the disease taking over the minds of young victims in their early teens has occurred in North America.

Not all victims of the LQP-79 virus are susceptible to cannibal attacks or have a taste for flesh. A predisposition to aggressive mental disorders can alter the course of a LQP-79 virus infection and each victim will have their own experiences. A sustained long period of overheating and high fever are common in all LQP-79 virus victims in the 24 to 48 range as the victim comes to realize the disease is setting in. Paranoia, vomiting and nudity are common first signs of LQP-79 virus infection and anyone with a fever should seek medical attention or plan for their death. If you have sudden urge to bite someone you might have been infected with the LQP-79 virus and you should quickly subdue yourself in quarantine until authorities arrive. If you are unable to control your urges you can supplement your hunger with the bloody red meat from the grocery store for a short period of time.

Eating red meat is usually unhealthy for you but in the case the weight if the decision is on your mental state and the heart troubles from eating red meat are less important. If red meat is out of the question or you are a vegan you may have more difficulty in calming your cravings for flesh after a LQP-79 virus infection. A decision must be made swiftly before you decide to dine on humans.

The LQP-79 virus can be washed off most surfaces like counter tops and bathroom floors with bleach, alcohol and Lysol in the can. Apply a liberal amount of these or any household chemicals all over the infected surfaces in your home, car and office space to make sure you do not spread this debilitating disorder. If you keep your home as clean as a hospital you can often avoid the LQP-79 virus.

If someone is infected with the LQP-79 mental virus and decides to eat another person you must act quickly to stop the spread of this deadly mental disorder and end the life of the fleas eating cannibal. Contrary to internet myth and movie adaptations a human zombie cannot be trained or cured to a level of interaction with other humans ever again. The desire to consume humans will never leave you once you have it.

Avoid bars, restaurants and public places where the LQP-79 virus might be present and ignore internet rumors about a hoax or jokes being played ion the american people. The internet is the greatest disinformation tools in the world and you can believe everything you don’t read on the internet.

Emergency Food Storage

The human body needs food, you cannot survive without it! In a doomsday scenerio You will not have access to ready foods from the grocery store. so to prepare for the worst you need to stock up on foods that can be stored for a long period of time such as This is a list with foods that are good to have in case of emergency. Beans, Legumes, Grains, Pasta, Honey, chocolate, tahini, vitamins, spices, herbs, water, cans, biscuits, oil, olives, salt, vinegar, nuts, seeds, canned fruits, dried fruits, preserves, juices.