You are prepared for the zombie apocalypse.

You’ve stocked up on canned goods and ammunition. Your fortified treehouse is built high in the Rocky Mountains. You’re an expert marksman proficient in several different kinds of firearms. You’ve got your pilot license, your Wilderness EMT training, your black belt in Judo, and you’ve won the blue ribbon at the county fair three years running for your green thumb. You know how to make a weapon out of three paperclips and a crumpled Reese’s Peanut Butter Cup wrapper, and you can survive on nothing but tree bark and fingernail clippings for weeks.

You, sir or madam, are prepared for the day when the dead replace the living as the dominant species on Earth and theBRAAAAINS hit the fan. But that doesn’t mean you need to advertise the fact.

It might be tempting to brag to all your friends and neighbors (the ones you haven’t carefully selected as your zombie apocalypse companions for their special skills and ability to remain calm in the face of gruesome death) about how ready you are for the eventuality of zombies. But you must resist the temptation.

Those same people who consider you their “crazy zombie-obsessed friend” today will turn to you for help when the need arises. And when the need arises, corpses will be feasting on the living in the streets and society will face a swift and brutal collapse, so it’s fair to say that those less prepared than you will not be at their most rational or diplomatic.

Being burdened with several unprepared would-be survivors could spell doom for any meticulously planned survival strategy. These are the people who considered your little zombie fixation an “adorable quirk” and tolerated your defense preparations because you were their friend. They have done nothing on their own to make them a valuable asset in the post-zombiepocalyptic world. And they will drag you down.

At the first sign (Or maybe the second or third, since let’s face it: People tend to resist the most obvious explanation) of a zombie outbreak, these acquaintances will come running to you for help. They won’t know that they are merely zombie fodder waiting to happen, but you will. You cannot let them slow you down.

So keep your zombie defense preparations to yourself as much as possible. Don’t go bragging about how you’ll be living large on SPAM for years while they’re shambling about munching on carrion… and being carrion. It might feel good to boast now, but when that government experiment goes awry and corpses start clawing their way up from the grave, you don’t want to be saddled with a bunch of under-prepared dead weight.

Unless you like the idea of using bait, that is.

Stay informed, stay alive: What are some of your zombie defense preparations? Don’t worry, I won’t tell those pesky neighbors who laugh at you for your underground bunker now but will be moaning and shambling about your yard a minute after the first sign of a zombie outbreak.