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Dept. of Homeland Security Warns of Impending Zombie Apocalypse
If there’s one thing Americans love, it’s the zombie apocalypse. I don’t know why, really. Although some people think that it would be cool to blow the heads off the undead and attempt to survive in a brutal post-apocalyptic landscape, most people would get their fat asses either gnawed on by zombies or shot by a survivalist looking for supplies. The harsh reality is that most people wouldn’t survive the zombie apocalypse, but we can keep dreaming that we’re the exception – we’re all Rick from The Walking Dead.
This month is National Preparedness Month, and the Department of Homeland Security is capitalizing on the never-ending zombie craze to make people start thinking about what they would do in the event of a disaster.
According to the AP, DHS is urging citizens to prepare for the zombie apocalypse. “The Zombies are coming!” they say.
Except they’re not. At least not right now. DHS’s message is that if you’re prepared for a zombie attack, you’ll likely be prepared for a hurricane, pandemic, earthquake, or terrorist attack. That’s because all of those events have something in common – the need for shelter, food, water, etc. DHS wants emergency planners across the country to use the “zombie attack” trope to get people into the disaster preparedness mindset.
Of course, this isn’t the first time that a government organization has mentioned the z word to citizens. Last year, the Centers for Disease Control actually acknowledged zombies and released their own zombie preparedness guide.
Here’s what the CDC says would happen, on a governmental response level:
If zombies did start roaming the streets, CDC would conduct an investigation much like any other disease outbreak. CDC would provide technical assistance to cities, states, or international partners dealing with a zombie infestation. This assistance might include consultation, lab testing and analysis, patient management and care, tracking of contacts, and infection control (including isolation and quarantine).
It’s likely that an investigation of this scenario would seek to accomplish several goals: determine the cause of the illness, the source of the infection/virus/toxin, learn how it is transmitted and how readily it is spread, how to break the cycle of transmission and thus prevent further cases, and how patients can best be treated. Not only would scientists be working to identify the cause and cure of the zombie outbreak, but CDC and other federal agencies would send medical teams and first responders to help those in affected areas (I will be volunteering the young nameless disease detectives for the field work).
Even though the CDC clearly has a plan, they officially denied the known existence of zombies after a rash of cannibalism stories hit the news earlier this year.
If you have the money and truly wish to prepare for the zombie apocalypse, you can’t go wrong with this kit for the 1%.
Doomsday 2012 Fact Sheet
There is widespread and unnecessary fear of doomsday on December 21, 2012. Some people worry about a Maya prophesy of the end of the world, others fear a variety of astronomical threats such as collision with a rogue planet. Opinion polls suggest that one in ten Americans worry about whether they will survive past Dec 21 of this year, and middle-school teachers everywhere report that many of their students are fearful of a coming apocalypse. Following are brief facts that address these doomsday fears.
Mayan Calendar: The Maya calendar, which is made up different cycles of day counts, does not end this year. Rather, one cycle of 144,000 days (394 years) ends and the next cycle begins.
Mayan Prophecy: The ancient Maya did not predict the end of the world or any disaster in December 2012. Such doomsday predictions are a modern hoax.
Planet Nibiru: Nibiru is probably the minor name of a god found in ancient Mesopotamian writing. There is no planet named Nibiru, and the fictional books by economist Zecharia Sitchin about a civilization on this planet are a hoax.
Rogue Planet Headed for Earth. For the past decade there have been reports of a rogue object (Planet X, or Nibiru, or Hercubolus, or even Comet Elenin) that will collide with Earth in December 2012. These claims are not true. If such a threatening world existed, it would be one of the brightest objects in the sky, and astronomers would have been tracking it for years. If it existed, its gravity would be distorting the orbits of planets, especially Mars and Earth. Astronomers know that it does not exist.
Planet Alignments: There is no alignment of planets in Dec 2012. There is an approximate lining up of the Earth and Sun and the center of our Galaxy in late December, but this happens every year. In any case, planet alignments have no effect on the Earth.
Pole Shift: There is nothing strange this year about either the magnetic poles or the rotational poles of the Earth. The magnetic polarity changes every million years or so, but that is not happening now, and it probably takes thousands of years when it does happen. A sudden change in the rotational axis has never happened and is not possible. If there were any change in the Earth’s rotation, it would be instantly apparent by failure of our GPS systems.
Increasing Disasters. Our planet is behaving normally in 2012, although we see more and more news stories about natural disasters. There has been no increase in earthquakes or volcanic eruptions. There has been an increase in extreme weather, including both droughts and floods, which are partly attributable to global warming, but this has nothing to do with a 2012 doomsday.
Solar Outbursts: The Sun’s ongoing 11-year activity cycle is expected to peak in 2013, not 2012. Solar outbursts (flares and CMEs) can damage orbiting satellites but will not hurt us on the surface. The strength of the 2013 solar maximum is predicted to be lower than average, not higher.
Bunker Conspiracy: Accusations of a massive government cover-up are nonsense. No government could hide an incoming planet or silence hundreds of thousands of scientists. Rumors that huge bunkers have been built in the U.S. or elsewhere to shelter the elite are lies. Apparently a few people are building private shelters, but their fear of 2012 is misplaced and they are wasting their money.
Scaring Children: The group most vulnerable to doomsday claims is children. Teachers report that many of their students are frightened and some are even considering suicide. This is the most tragic consequence of the 2012 hoax.
The End of the World: The idea of the sudden end of the world by any cause is absurd. The Earth has been here for more than 4 billion years, and it will be several more billion years before the gradual brightening of the Sun makes our planet unlivable. Meanwhile there is no known astronomical or geological threat that could destroy the Earth.
Cosmophobia: Many young people write to me that they are scared of astronomy. When they read about some new discovery, the first thing they think is that it might hurt them, even if it is happening in a distant galaxy. There is no reason for such fears, which I call cosmophobia (fear of the universe). This rash of concern seems to be the result of too many conspiracy theories and sensational stories featured on the Internet and irresponsible news outlets. Astronomical objects are so distant that they cannot threaten the Earth. Please don’t be afraid of the Sun or the planets or comets or asteroids. The universe is not your enemy.
ZOMBIE OUTBREAK – PLAN FOR SURVIVAL
“They’re coming to get you, Barbara.” Ever since George Romero’s 1968 classic “Night of the Living Dead,” America has been obsessed with zombies. But some days the zombie apocalypse doesn’t feel so far-fetched. Before you go boarding up your windows, loading your shotgun and stampeding to the nearest cellar, finalize your survival plan. After all, the directo of the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention, Ali Khan, noted in his “Zombie Preparedness” article, “If you are generally well-equipped to deal with a zombie apocalypse, you will be prepared for a hurricane, pandemic, earthquake or terrorist attack.” Oh, joy!
• Somebody has poisoned the water hole: Any viewer of AMC’s “The Walking Dead” knows all too well what happens when a “swimmer” gets into the water supply. The U.S. Geological Survey estimates that the average human can last about a week without water, so make sure to stockpile it before it gets contaminated.
You’ll need about a gallon of water per person per day. The six-gallon Reliance Desert Patrol container ($19.99) is durable and easy to carry. Fill up enough of them so that your water supply lasts several days.
Once you’re forced to abandon your shelter — and you most definitely will be — you’re going to need the Katadyn Pocket Water Microfilter ($295.90). Sold on Amazon, this filter is one of the best in the market for decontaminating outdoor water found in streams, rivers or puddles. The price is hefty, but the cost of drinking zombie guts is higher. .
• Don’t wind up on the menu: As long as you have water, you can survive 30 to 40 days without food. However, after a few days, your body and brain will go weak. In a stressful situation like a zombie assault, a sharp mind and healthy body are vital.
If MREs are good enough for battlefield combat, they’re (hopefully) good enough for zombie warfare. Load up on MREs (Meals Ready-to-Eat) ($94.99 for a 12-pack) from Nitro-Pak. If your mouth’s not watering yet, feast your eyes on the canned chicken, beef, pork and turkey ($55.99 for four 28-ounce cans) from Canned Chicken By Survival Cave Food. Mmm, almost as good as fresh brains!
• Dress to kill: You’re going to need some heavy-duty clothing — preferably something that can withstand a life-threatening bite. Zombie expert and author of “Zombie CSU” Jonathan Maberry suggests body armor made from carpet because it’s hard to chew through and can be found practically anywhere.
The Tru-Spec BDU Trouser 
For footwear, get something lightweight, durable and waterproof. The Converse 8877 Waterproof SideZip Tactical Boot ($99.99) is perfect. It even has arch support and heel cushions to supply comfort during those long treks through the city and wilderness.
• My personal weapon of choice is a machete for one simple reason: It doesn’t require reloading. The Condor Tool and Knife 14-Inch Golok Machete ($26.95) from KnifeCenter.com has a solid handle and razor-sharp edge perfect for sending heads a-flying.
• Always remember: Safety first! You’ll need to be able to patch up just about any injury on the go. The 299-piece All-Purpose First Aid Kit ($18.49) from Utility Safeguard includes everything from alcohol cleansing pads and aspirin to an emergency blanket and gauze dressing. The only thing this one-stop kit doesn’t offer is a cure for a zombie bite.
If you aren’t familiar with Max Brooks’ “The Zombie Survival Guide: Complete Protection From the Living Dead” ($10.98), buy it at Barnes & Noble ASAP. The book covers everything from zombie physiology and defense tactics to how to prepare your home for a siege.
Another must-read is Roger Ma’s “The Zombie Combat Manual: A Guide to Fighting the Living Dead” ($13.98). It’ll coach you on how to emerge victorious from a close hand-to-hand battle with a living corpse.
Play video games while you still can. Get an Xbox 360 and buy “Left 4 Dead 2″ ($34.99) at GameStop. It lets you take on the infected with objects like a frying pan, ax, chainsaw and baseball bat. Grab some friends and play in multiplayer mode. Now you’ll know who is skilled with melee weapons. Start saying your goodbyes to the friends who aren’t.
Zombie Prep – WHAT YOU NEED IN YOUR BUG OUT BAG
What is a Bug Out Bag?
A bug out bag is a bag (or several) that is supposed to last you for at least 72 hours. The original term was derived from the term ‘bail out bag’ used by many military aviators. The idea soon passed into wide usage among other military and law enforcement.
A bug out bag is to contain items for both leaving an emergency situation as well as going into an emergency situation.
A bug out bag is not required in order to survive, but it is HIGHLY RECOMMENDED!
So where to start?
First things first, you need to determine what the bug out bag is going to be used for. In this case, we’re going to be building a bug out bag for the zombie apocalypse. There are many different types of bug out bags, which means you can have one bag designated for a specific circumstance, such as a fire, earthquake, flood, etc.
But, we’re just going to stick with making one for the zombie apocalypse, since that’s what we do best! Which also means, that we’re going to be recommending items that are meant to last for a long time, instead of just 72 hours.
You’ll need a sturdy backpack. Hikers backpacks are always a great item, since they’re meant for durability. But make sure it’s not a cheap backpack, out of everything, this is the item that you’ll want to spend a bit of money on. Because this backpack will basically be carrying your basics for survival – so get a quality backpack!
What items should I include?
Now here’s the fun part! We’ll recommend several items that we believe you should include in your bug out bag, but don’t take us word-for-word. While these items are highly recommended, you may find that something else works better for you.
1. Containers: Having several containers at your disposal will be extremely useful. These containers can be anything from, water bottles, little kettles, water proof tupperware, etc. When choosing your containers, make sure that you can fit other stuff within the container, that way the container serves multiple purposes. So find random little containers to carry in your pack.
2. Water: This should be a no brainer but the water that you carry with you isn’t going to last forever. You need to find ways to purify water. Such as a little pot to boil water. Or purification tablets. Or even a mini water purifier that they sell at any outdoors store. Whatever you choose, make sure it’s durable and will last for at least several weeks.
3. Food: Canned foods are NOT GOOD! They are bulky and heavy, which will slow you down. One of our members has a bunch of dried foods in zip lock bags that were full of calories and carbohydrates. You want foods that will fill you up quick and give you energy. MRE’s are also good if you can get your hands on them. You should also invest in some fishing wire and hooks, so you can fish for your food.
4. Shelter: The ‘space’ blanket is a favorite of most, and it’s a good choice. Also, poncho’s and poncho liners will be incredible for the cold. With either the space blanket or poncho, you can throw those on around you, light up a little fire inside your poncho and you’d be toasty warm! Plus you’d be protected from getting wet. Finding something that is lightweight and durable will be a shelter lifesaver. A hammock might not be a bad idea, either, since they are generally lightweight and you can string them up practically anywhere.
5. Fire: We don’t recommend flashlights, although they can be great for the first 72 hours, unless you have 100 different flashlights and batteries to go with them (which is impractical to begin with) then you’re going to need an alternative for flashlights. Glow sticks are a great alternative. So is flint and steel. Remember, zombies are attracted to light, so we recommend getting used to the dark and ONLY using fire and light when you’re cooking or need to read a map or compass. Candles and water-proof matches are also a good idea.
6. Weapons: Ah I bet you were just WAITING for this section, weren’t ya? We’re not going to recommend individual weapons, that’s based on personal preference. But instead, just make sure you have enough bullets to get you through for a while and MAKE SURE to use them sparingly. You never know when you’ll come across more ammo, so only shoot when your life depends on it. Also have a few melee weapons available, like knifes, axes, machete’s and such, if not for fighting, then definitely for small game hunting, skinning fish, etc. Find weapons both for survival and for defense.
7. Rope & tape: We recommend 550 cord. It’s the toughest and most long-last rope you’ll ever need or want. We also recommend carrying some duct tape – cause you never know when you’ll need duct tape!
8. Shoes: These don’t go in your bug out bag necessarily, but having the proper shoes will go a long way in keeping you sane. If you have a bulky pack on your back and you’re having to walk A LOT, then having a good pair of shoes will be a life-saver. Be sure to break the shoes in BEFORE it’s time to flee.
9. First aid: Some people are more obsessed with first aid than others. It’s at least a good idea to have a few alcohol swabs, bandages, pair of tweezers, tourniquet (or handkerchief), as well as other varied pieces of first aid that you think you may need.
10. Misc: The rest of the items in your bag will depend on personal preference. An extra pair of clothes perhaps (under armor is highly recommended), carabiners, Zombie Response Team patch (coming soon!), a little radio (for the first 72 hours (or until the batteries run out) to hear news about what’s going on), a mini solar panel (HIGHLY recommended), a hat (to protect your head from the sun and other elements), gloves, compass, really warm socks, a little sewing kit, deck of cards (never know, you may be bored), a picture of loved ones, etc. The list can go on and on.
That about covers it!