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Zombie Apocalypse Has Begun! PREPARE PREPARE – Outbreaks Occurring Nationwide
Beginning in May, on a sunny day in Miami, Florida, America began living its very own
Zombie fantasy. As you know, there are thousands of homeless people in the world. Well 65 year old Ronald Poppo, who was one of these unfortunates, was walking in an alley of down town Miami, when 31 year old Rudy Eugene decided he looked delicious. Eugene was found naked under a bridge, chewing on Poppo’s face. The Miami police yelled at Eugene to stop, but he wouldn’t and for Poppo’s safety, the police shot at Eugene. They shot at him in the chest several times but he was still alive, after shooting him even more, Eugene dropped to the ground dead. Poppo is now in a hospital in Miami. He is doing fine and is to have physical therapy.
Poppo is not the only zombie victim in the U.S. there was a woman who ate part of her baby’s brain, three of its toes, and part of its intestines. There was another college student who killed and ate his roommate. That definitely makes me not want to live in dorms. There was another attack where the man threw his own intestines at the police officers. Finally, a Canadian porn star lost it and ate someone, oh and also threatened the Prime Minister.
Yes, there are finally Zombies in North America and who knows if they are in any other part of the world. There is nothing we can do about it. Let’s face it; we all know that this country is all pretty screwed up. There are some crazy people in the country.
People are starting to say that the Zombie apocalypse is almost here. When I was younger, my mother joked around about the zombie apocalypse. I got really scared. Little did know that I was going to write an article about Zombies. People are freaking out about this when you are actually pretty safe. There is a 0.25 in a 10 percent chance that you would be a Zombie victim. But just in case, you should be ready for the Zombies next attack.
Look, everyone knows that the Zombies are coming and there is nothing we can do about it. Just be prepared. This is the updated list of the do’s and don’ts, and how to tell if Zombies are in your town.
Let’s start.
How do you know there are zombies in your town?
Well, if you start hearing crazy people chanting to themselves, then yeah they are on the verge on Zombie-hood (or they are in a popular teen cult…either way, probably bad news). We all know that the crazy people are going to become zombies first because they were neglected and left to live on the streets. You can also tell there are Zombies in the town when you hear screaming and police cars all night long. And the final way to see if there are Zombies in your town is if you see a lot of new (but empty) graves. That means one of three things:
A- The Zombies have been crawling out of their graves.
B- There have been a lot of deaths, which means that they died from Zombies eating them.
C- That pesky teen cult thing again.
How do you prepare for a Zombie apocalypse?
Two words: Get Weapons.
When picking your weapons, you want to get something that you can shoot or throw or stab them with from a long distance because you don’t want to get the Zombie juice on you. The main weapon that you want is a gun. When you get a gun, your first choice is a hand gun. Hand guns can hold more bullets and you can empty and re-lode fast. They are easy for travel and you can put them almost anywhere. You want to make sure that you have more than one gun because the gun can get lost or broken. If you can’t get the gun, then you want a machete. Go ahead and cut off their heads. Make sure that you don’t get the Zombie juice in your blood through a cut or something…it will turn you into a Zombie. You can use pretty much anything, just kill the brain. Cut off the head then smash it. If you want you can burn it. Just don’t let any other Zombie eat the body because then the Zombie will get stronger.
After you get your weapons, you want to get a safe spot. I would say a basement because Zombies can’t lift heavy things or their limbs will fall off. Or you’re going to want to hide in an attic. You want to be as far away from a graveyard as possible. Try getting a cabin in the middle of the woods. Make sure that you have food storage because you don’t know how long you will be there.
How you know you got infected and what to do.
If you got any Zombie juice on you, and you didn’t disinfect it by burning the area you are probably on your way to being a Zombie. If it gets into your blood then kill yourself if you don’t what to become a Zombie. If you decide to kill yourself then you should knock yourself out and have someone throw you in a fire so you know that you won’t become a Zombie. If the Zombie juice gets in your system without you knowing the symptoms of Zombieitis, you’re going to want to go through this check list:
- Are you choking on nothing?
- Do you have green splotches on your skin, dizziness, and craving for raw meat? Especially Brains?
- Is your skin falling off like a leper?
If you said yes to any of these, you may want to kill yourself.
But you never know when they are going to crawl out of their grave…OH WAIT THEY HAVE!
Y’all had better stop reading and start killing the Zombies
Zombie apocalypse prophesied in ancient scriptures
In recent headlines, there have been outbreaks of bizarre, brutal, cannibalistic events that have unfolded over the past few weeks, with an almost daily occurrence of articles written about cannibalism and the “Zombie Apocalypse.” There have been disturbing tales of humans devouring fellow humans, from the bath salts incident, involving a nakedcannibal, to the ‘Cannibal Killer,’ a porn star who allegedly murdered, dismembered and tasted the flesh of his victim. Just Saturday, many newspapers even reported the stomach contents of the Miami cannibal/zombie. Stores are beginning to carry zombie bullets, and college dorms are beginning to hold zombie drills, so students will be prepared for the hoards of zombies that could possibly attack mankind. Unfortunately, all of these stories seem perfectly suited to for horror films, but are real.
Incredibly, though the prospect of zombies and a zombie apocalypse seem purely fiction in the minds of most, the ancient scriptures reveal past, and possibly, future events that significantly resemble zombies or the walking undead. Take for example the death and resurrection narrative of Jesus of Nazareth, though no one would suggest Jesus was a zombie, a portion of the narrative surrounding his death, reveals an incident that most people overlook.
Matt. 27:50-53: And Jesus cried out again with a loud voice, and yielded up His spirit. And behold, the veil of the temple was torn in two from top to bottom; and the earth shook and the rocks were split. The tombs were opened, and many bodies of the saints who had fallen asleep were raised; and coming out of the tombs after His resurrection they entered the holy city and appeared to many.
One could not even imagine what it would have been like to see all of the past saints walk out of their graves, and appear to those dwelling in Jerusalem. Furthermore, one might ask, what actually happened to the bodies of those who were raised? Are they still among us? Or did they die a second time?
A second past event, found within the ancient scriptures, can be found in Ezekiel 37.
Ezekiel 37:7-10: So I prophesied as I was commanded. And as I was prophesying, there was a noise, a rattling sound, and the bones came together, bone to bone. I looked, and tendons and flesh appeared on them and skin covered them…and breath entered them; they came to life and stood up on their feet—a vast army.
Future Zombie Apocalypse
According to certain Christian eschatology, there are two future events that could resemble a zombie apocalypse. The first event, familiar to most, is the resurrection of the dead, in the “last days.” This event is viewed by most, as a time when all the graves of mankind will open, and everyone who has died will come forth for the “final judgment.” In fact, many believe that the dead will be the first judged at the final judgment, and those who are living will witness the event, previous to their judgment. Thus, those who are alive will first witness the dead arising from their graves.
1 Corinthians 15:51- 52: Behold, I shew you a mystery; We shall not all sleep, but we shall all be changed, in a moment, in the twinkling of an eye, at the last trump: for the trumpet shall sound, and the dead shall be raised incorruptible, and we shall be changed.
John 5:28-29: Marvel not at this: for the hour is coming, in the which all that are in the graves shall hear his voice, and shall come forth; they that have done good, unto the resurrection of life; and they that have done evil, unto the resurrection of damnation.
The second eschatological or future event, which could be viewed as a zombie apocalypse, is known by most as the “battle of Armageddon.” It is believed that in the final days, the armies of the devil or Satan, will rise up against God, Israel and God’s army, at a place known as Armageddon. When this occurs, it will appear as if evil has won, throughout the entire earth. At that point, most believe that Jesus will return with all the armies of heaven, to finally defeat the devil and his armies, and cast them into the “lake of fire.”
Revelation 16:12-16 For they are the spirits of devils, working miracles, which go forth unto the kings of the earth and of the whole world, to gather them to the battle of that great day of God Almighty… And he gathered them together into a place called in the Hebrew tongue Armageddon.
Revelation 19:19 And I saw the beast, and the kings of the earth, and their armies, gathered together to make war against him that sat on the horse, and against his army.
Now, there are many scriptures that Christians, which hold this view, use as proof of a future battle. However, one scriptural source, which most have not thoroughly considered, could appear as a massive zombie attack.
Zechariah 14:12-13 And the LORD will send a plague on all the nations that fought against Jerusalem. Their people will become like walking corpses, their flesh rotting away. Their eyes will rot in their sockets, and their tongues will rot in their mouths. On that day they will be terrified, stricken by the LORD with great panic. They will fight their neighbors hand to hand.
Today, most zombie lore revolves around plagues, which cause the dead to rise, and typically battle with or eat the living. This scripture in Zechariah seems to clearly reveal an event, similar to the most recent zombie lore. One might wonder if ancient Christians also feared and imminent zombie attack as well. At the very least, zombie apocalypse fanatics now have a further argument in their arsenal, which points toward a future attack of the undead, found within the ancient scriptures.
Colbert: Zombies Are Intellectual Elites – ‘All They Care About Is Braiiiiiiins’
College student eating a housemate’s heart? Homeless man eating another homeless man’s face? Porn star sending body parts to government members? “Cannibalism is the hot new trend,” observed Stephen Colbert on last night’s Colbert Report. “And you thought saggy pants were annoying.” The recent spate of these freak incidents in the news has wide swathes of the American public convinced we have a zombie apocalypse on our hands. “It does make one wonder,” Colbert said. “After all, something has clearly eaten [Fox News host] Trace Gallagher’s brain.”
So it came as a relief when the federal Centers for Disease control on June 1 told the Huffington Post that “CDC does not know of a virus or condition that would reanimate the dead (or one that would present zombie-like symptoms).” Colbert was not buying it, though, especially in light of a (tongue-in-cheek”) CDC “zombie awareness” campaign last year. “It makes sense that zombies would be attracted to science,” he said. “I mean, they’re intellectual elites. All they care about is braaaaaiiiiiinnnnns.”
ZOMBIE OUTBREAK CONTINUES – cannibal eats baby’s body parts
It looks like the real-life “zombie apocalypse” horror continues as now a San Antonio mother is accused of killing her baby son and eating some of his body parts. The crime allegedly happened early Sunday when the mom is believed to have used a knife and two swords in the killing and cannibal attack.
San Antonio police aren’t saying much about the horrific act, but the infant’s mom — Otty Sanchez — is accused of beheading her three-week-old baby, Scott Wesley Buchholtz-Sanchez, and eating some of his body parts. She munched on portions of his brain and bit off three of his toes were she stabbed herself twice. She’s said to have killed her baby at the “devil’s request.”
San Antonio Police Chief William McManus said the crime is “too heinous” to disclose more information than that.
Sanchez is being held on $1 million bail and is charged with capital murder. She’s currently recovering from her stab wounds at a local hospital.
Cannibal attacks and the zombie apocalypse fear are valid concerns with the number of gruesome incidents that have taken place the last week-and-a-half. The Miami cannibal attack, Maryland cannibal, and a Canadian porn star killer have set the scare in motion. Will the world see more of these crimes with the amount of attention it’s getting in pop culture?