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8 Tips For Surviving A Zombie Apocalypse
Here at What Culture we consider ourselves to be experts in many different things. Sure we have massive brains filled with the latest gaming news, movie tidbits and comic book geekery but did you know that we’re also the leading experts on surviving a zombie apocalypse? Darn tooting we are! In fact, if the Government called upon us to protect you lovely people from having your brains eaten by your dead grandma we’d know exactly what to do. So it seems only fair that we share this information with you – our dear readers – just in case we’re a bit busy helping the Governments of the world sort out their living dead problems.
So let’s begin with the basics.
1. How Likely is A Zombie Outbreak
According to the BBC, researchers in Canada concluded that unless a Zombie outbreak was dealt with quickly and aggressively it would in fact lead to the downfall of civilisation. You see, people have actually been funded to look into this kind of ‘eventuallity’ under the pretence that the idea of an outbreak of Zombieism works in much the same way as any other alien infection and thus the research can help prepare for such a real life scenario. Personally we think this is all part of the Government’s attempts to keep Joe Public in the dark. Research is being undertaken to prepare for Zombies, like it or not.
If you’re still unsure about the reality of Zombies then just take a look at nature and you’ll see that such infections already exist within the animal world. Take Toxoplasmosa Gondii for example. It lives inside the body of the common Rat, but the only place it can bread is inside the intestines of a Cat so it takes over the brain of Mr Rat and makes him get himself eaten. The parasite actually programmes the Rat, much like a similar parasite could programme the human brain. In fact over half the world’s population is infected by this little bugger already. What if it were to evolve? Scary thought, hu?
Need more examples? How about Haiti, home of the term Zombie. People there were infected with an acute neurotoxin that actually wiped the memories of the victims, left them in a barely conscious state and caused them to shuffle around performing basic daily tasks such as eating. There are books and documentaries on this – and we don’t mean ones called Zombie Flesheaters. And if you’re STILL not convinced then have a look at the symptoms of Mad Cow’s Disease – muscle spasms, dementia, rage, changes in gait – it’s all there in black and white for the sceptics out there. All that’s keeping us safe at the moment is the fact that none of the aforementioned causes have taken hold … yet.
2. Know Your Zombies
Like with most things there are different types of Zombie. As we haven’t been face to face with any as of yet it’s safe to assume that any of the weird shit you’ve seen on TV or in a video game could actually be true. However, tradition dictates a certain type of Zombie – at least in the first instance. Who knows if they can evolve or adapt over time?
Here’s what we do know:
1. Zombies can be both the reanimated corpses of the already dead OR any living thing that has been bitten and thus transformed.
2. Zombies are slow. Any notion that they may be able to run should be disregarded. Sure, if you’ve just been turned then you may have use of your full leg muscles a while but rigor mortis reaches maximum stiffness after 12 hours, so beyond that we should assume the creature cannot run.
3. The brain of a Zombie is not entirely dead. It continues to operate at 0.5%. No Zombie will ever win a pub quiz then – but they are brighter than most of the people who go on Jeremy Kyle’s TV show.
4. The primary weapons of a Zombie are it’s hands/claws and it’s teeth. You’re not likely to change sides if you get scratched but a bite will damn sure bring about a sudden case of death. Well, more like a slow agonising case actually.
5. The original cause of a Zombie plague grossly affects how us humans can be turned. For example, if the cause is airborne then you might become a Zombie just by breathing. Likewise the original Zombies may just be reanimated corpses and you could be turned by a bite – the transference of saliva which carries a parasite etc. Or in some cases you may already be carrying whatever it is that turns you (like in The Walking Dead) and when you die you will become a member of the undead without ever coming into contact with one. Let’s just hope that if/when Zombies walk the Earth the only way for you to be turned is by a bite. At least that gives you more of a fighting chance at survival.
Zombie Apocalypse List Of Attacks in 2012, Real Or Just Covered More?
We’ve all grown up watching zombie films, from old black and whites to ‘Resident Evil’ to ‘The Walking Dead’, but people seem to believe that zombies may very well exist today, and that the CDC is covering it up. Creepy right? But everyone loves a good conspiracy.
Everyone may have heard by now of the ‘Miami Zombie’ attack back in May, where a man, Rudy Eugene, attacked a man, and proceeded to eat away large sections of the homeless man’s face. The responding police officer shot Rudy, and instead of going down, as any normal human would, Rudy turned to the police officer and growled, snapping his teeth like a rabid dog. The gunshots didn’t seem to phase him, and he was unnaturally strong, but soon succumbed after additional gunshots. The explanation? A variant of LSD “Bath Salts”, which is made from a three drug cocktail and causes hallucinations, psychosis, violence, and an immunity to pain.
But what has our every-day zombie conspirators in an uproar are the strange events that happened before, and after, this incident. Separately these incidents have no relevant pattern or meaning, but strung together they create the Zombie Apocalypse Theory. This Zombie Apocalypse list of attacks is still growing for 2012, please let us know if you know of other incidents in the comments.
Zombie Rash in Hollywood Florida May 16, 2012
15 Students and 2 teachers at McArthur High School in Hollywood, FL broke out in mysterious rashes. “Their arms and abdomens are covered in rashes,” says Fire-Rescue Division Chief Mark Steele as he spoke to the Miami Herald, “It happened pretty quickly, so we believe that this is something that’s very acute.”
What frightened people most was when the school was evacuated and a HazMat team came in to investigate. The students and teachers who were exposed were reportedly in a reading room, where no chemicals of any kind should have been. It began when a majority of a class of 21 students, walking from one classroom to the reading room, started developing itchy rashes and hives. The Florida Public Health and Medical Department arrived along with the Fire Department, and showered those affected in an area set up outside the school before being transported on a plastic lined school bus to Memorial Regional Hospital. After a time in the hospital, it was reported that the itchy rashes were the only symptom, and that everyone was stable. What caused the rash remains a mystery, and it was reported that the HazMat did not find anything suspicious and gave the all-clear.
May 18, 2012
An unknown chemical exposure shut down a terminal at the Fort Lauderdale-Hollywood International Airport. The chemical is still unknown, but a spokesman from the airport says that it appeared to be an aerosol can that discharged in someones luggage. It sent five people to the hospital with reparatory complaints. Officials say that more than 1,000 passengers and 14 flights were delayed because of it. Enough for a zombie theory? Not really, but its on the list.
Zombie Apocalypse in Illinois on May 21, 2012
A Bellwood man in La Grange, IL allegedly grabbed an 18-year old woman by the neck, twisted her right arm andbit her cheek while threatening to kill her if she called the police. The man, Lloyd Cortez, 18, was arrested.
Zombie Apocalypse in Lauderdale Lakes, FL on May 23, 2012
Another mysterious outbreak has officials completely baffled. Four 6th graders and a teacher at Lauderdale Lakes Middle School were examined by authorities after experiencing itchiness and bumpy red rashes, the same as the twelve students experienced a week before. HazMat returned to the scene after the school was put on lockdown for a second time. The incident has been named the cause of an “undetermined irritant” which is a fancy way of saying “we don’t know.”
May 25, 2012
EMS and HazMat crews respond to a school in Lake County when 27 children and adults came off of a school bus feeling ill. They has watery eyes and were coughing, and complained of an odd smell on the bus. The children and adults were washed down with hoses. The cause is still unknown although they believe it was a pesticidethe bus driver used to clean the bus earlier.
Zombie Apocalypse in Jamaica, FL May 25, 2012
A “disoriented” passenger rushed the front of a plane going from Jamaica to Miami after standing in his seat and ignoring the crew member’s instructions to sit down. He was subdued by some of the 165 passengers on flight 320. Ryan Snider has been arrested on federal charges, although according to the FBI this was not a terrorism-related incident. Though the question remains, if he truly was ‘disoriented’ in a medical way, why is he being arrested on federal charges?
Zombie Apocalypse in Miami, Florida May 26, 2012
The Miami Zombie attack, described above.
MIAMI CANNIBAL / Zombie FACE REVEALED, Rudy Eugene
Zombie Apocalypse in San Diego, CA May 29, 2012
An altercation began at a family gathering in the Spring Valley area of San Diego, resulting in the suspect, later arrested, biting off the nose of his cousin who was raced to the hospital.
Zombie Apocalypse in Baltimore, Maryland May 2012
About a week or so after the Miami Zombie incident, 21 year old Baltimore student, Alexander Kinyua, accused of killing his roommate, told police he did kill the victim, Kujoe Bonsafo Agyei-Kodi, and ate his heart and part of his brain. He hid the hands and head of the victim in his family’s basement laundry room. Earlier in May Kinyua was charged in another attack where the victim was brutally beaten but did survive.
Maryland Cannibal / Man Admits Eating Heart of Victim
Zombie Apocalypse in China Early July 2012
In Wenzhhou, in south east China, reports a bus driver named Dong was drinking heavily during lunch that day. He then suddenly ran out into the road and stood in front of a car begin driven by a woman named Du, stopping her from driving any further. Dong then climbed onto the hood of her car and began beating at the hood and windshield. The frightened woman screamed for help, then tried to escape, climbing out of her car and running. Witnesses say Dong leapt from the car and tackled her, wrestling her to the ground where he then began biting her face. Witnesses successfully wrestled Dong away from the woman and he was taken into custody. Du was taken to the hospital where doctors said she would need surgery to repair her nose and lips.
Zombie Incident on July 7, 2012
Officers respond to a scene a little before 4:30am to find two men restraining Jeremiah Aaron Haughee, age 22, naked in a puddle of urine and glass. The homeowners aokie to the sound of Haughee destroying their garden and outdoor furniture. He crawled up onto the roof, then leapt off, landing on the hood of their truck causing $1,500 worth of damage. The man then leapt onto the homeowner and bit him in the stomach. The homeowner will be permanently disfigured. Officers called for backup and put leg shackles and handcuffs on Haugee, they also used a spit hood and a stun gun to try and subdue him. Despite all this, Haugee then moved his cuffed hands from the back of him to the front while still kicking at the polices officers. They used the stun gun on him five times, and was then taken to the hospital and given Ketamine.
Naked Man Shot Three Times With Stun Gun – Another Cannibal?
– Cops in Canada are also searching for a low budget porn actor, Luka Rocco Magnotta, who allegedly killed a young man with an ice pick, dismembered the body, then proceeded to rape and eat the flesh from the corpse. He allegedly mailed some of the body parts to Ottawa, and is accused of killing cats on video and posting the footage online. Reports say he may be in France at the moment.
Luka Magnotta – Interview with a Psychopath
These instances have people wondering whats behind the flesh eating wave and the strange outbreaks in the various schools. According to the federal government however, a Zombie Apocalypse is the last thing we need to worry about and does not even exist. Over the years the CDC (Centers for Disease Control and Prevention) has released a couple of “zombie warnings” which are actually just disaster preparedness stunts. But about a month ago they made it official: Zombies do not exist.
ZOMBIE SURVIVAL – Survival tips for the urban living: Part 1 – Nuclear Radiation
Though many survivalists like to prepare for TEOTWAWKI (the end of the world as we know it), joblessness and homelessness have led me to the end of the world as I know it. With coffee in hand, I opened the warehouse door of my temporary digs to greet the dawn. Only, it’s noon, there’s a downpour, and the smell of rubber from a pile of decomposing tires greets me. This marks Month 4 in New Orleans and two years since I was laid off.
In this vein, I finally started reading Mat Stein’s two survival books, When Technology Fails (2008) and When Disaster Strikes (2011). I also headed over to Jim Rawles’ Survival Blog and Mat’s website, whentechfails.com.
Instead of a lone-wolf, Mad Max world which plays well on film, Stein reasonably argues that individual survival relies on a community of like-minded folks. So plan your survival migration or shelter with room for your core group. The essential wisdom from both books and most survival websites is to plan a strategically sound survival budget, taking into account the climate of where you expect to be after you hit the road.
Few experts would call the US a failed or fragile state given to eco-migration, but most Americans already live in toxic zones, with our land, air and water being systematically poisoned by industry. New Orleans is only one of many areas suffering from hyper-industrialization and weather destruction. Locals call the corridor from here to Baton Rouge, “Cancer Alley.”
Thanks to Corexit and the Macondo Blowout (among hundreds of other oil “spills”), Gulf seafood is unfit for human consumption, and anglers and beachcombers are suffering from a host of health issues including respiratory failure. Birds, turtles, dolphins, and other sea life are dying in mass numbers or are showing up deformed, while federal agencies insist all is well.
I met a man who helped with the cleanup. The toxic brew severely damaged circulation in both his legs, leaving him wheelchair-bound. Grandmothers of the Gulf organizer, Laura Regan, insists her and her husband’s respiratory problems are from swimming in the Gulf after authorities promised the water was safe. She, along with most coastal residents, believe they are still spraying Corexit today. That may explain why the Louisiana Senate buried SB 97 in committee last year, which would have banned Corexit and any other oil dispersant not categorized as “Practically Non-Toxic.”
My romantic notion of sticking my toes in the famous Mississippi after I got here was sullied by the strong industrial odor wafting from the river. It sickened both of us who walked the levy that day.
All over the planet, giant multinational corporations are singly and jointly destroying the landbase for huge swaths of people, and New Orleans is no exception. Three major wars settled this area so that tens of thousands of oil wells could be built, right along with all the chemical and oil refineries, labs, agrochemical dumps, and the 25-year-old Waterford nuclear plant, 20 miles outside the city.
Because Fukushima radiated the Northern Hemisphere, because fracking releases rock-bound uranium that contaminates our local water table, and because I’m in Cancer Alley just miles from Waterford, this first essay focuses on nuclear survival.
Some nuclear survival tips are obvious. Dr John W. Gofman, a distinguished medical and nuclear scientist who worked on the Manhattan Project to develop the atomic bomb estimated in 2001 that 75% of US women who develop breast cancer get it from medical radiation. Simply refuse such tests, including airport body scanners.
When the US Supreme Court thwarted public will and handed Bush Florida, and thereby the presidency, we were led into 9/11 and nuclear war on the Middle East and Africa. Bob Koehler writes:
“Iraq Syndrome must include awareness of our toxic legacy, in particular the radioactive fallout resulting from exploding several thousand tons of depleted uranium munitions. Last year, the International Journal of Environmental Research and Public Health published a study of the devastated city of Fallujah, pointing out that, among much else, it is experiencing higher rates of cancer, leukemia and infant mortality than Hiroshima and Nagasaki did in 1945. And birth defects abound: ‘Young women in Fallujah are terrified of having children,’ a group of British and Iraqi doctors reported.”
Industrial civilization’s war on the environment is no less radioactive. The US hosts 25% of the world’s nuclear power plants, and even without incidents or accidents, they leak radiation into the local environment, as evidenced by the cancer clusters around nuke plants. Being in New Orleans, I’m exposed daily to whatever is dumped in the Mississippi, including leaking radioactive particles from the several nuke plants that dot its length.
Lest anyone believe health officials and nuclear energy proponents that the harm from Fukushima is minimal (and no longer poses a threat), all they need do is look at the Chernobyl casualties, where only one reactor was involved. Last year, researchers published their review of over 5,000 scientific articles and studies and concluded that a million people have succumbed to Chernobyl radiation. According to one source, the authors explain:
“Emissions from this one reactor exceeded a hundred-fold the radioactive contamination of the bombs dropped on Hiroshima and Nagasaki. No citizen of any country can be assured that he or she can be protected from radioactive contamination. One nuclear reactor can pollute half the globe. Chernobyl fallout covers the entire Northern Hemisphere.”
Fukushima lost four reactors, with three in complete meltdown, but pro-nuke officials from the World Health Organization on down promise thru lying teeth this poses little to no threat to our health or the environment. As Chernobyl showed, in 30 years, we can expect many Northern Hemisphere survivors to sport tumors and other cancers resulting from radiation-damaged DNA. We can only pray for the unborn, from those healthy enough to reproduce.
Expectedly, US officials also lied about the Three Mile Island nuclear disaster, while cancer rates jumped for those nearby. Richard Wilcox wrote an excellent article on all this that is well worth the read:
“Independent testing in Japan has revealed that fallout from the accident and ongoing accumulation has contaminated food supplies in the Northeast and Tokyo.”
From plutonium-laden fish, “the most toxic substance known in the universe,” to radioactive cesium in California tuna, Wilcox itemizes the destruction of our food supply. Radioactive fallout, of course, contaminates grazelands, meaning our milk and dairy products are also contaminated.
All of us have cause, right now, to ensure our water and food is clean and radiation-free. All of us have sound reason to become survivalists. Here are some tips to protect you and yours…
ZOMBIE HISTORY – The Plague That Is Zombies
‘I hereby resolve to kill every vampire in America” writes the young Abraham Lincoln in the best-selling 2010 novel “Abraham Lincoln: Vampire Hunter.” Honest Abe doesn’t quite make good on his promise, and the grim results are all around us. Today, vampires spring from the shadows of our popular culture with deadening regularity, from the Anne Rice novels to the Twilight juggernaut to this year’s film adaptation about the ghoul-slaying Great Emancipator. Lately we’ve also endured a decadelong bout with the vampire’s undead cousin, the zombie, who has stalked films from “28 Days Later” to “Resident Evil” (the next sequel of which is due out this fall) and the popular TV show “The Walking Dead.”
Purists will hold forth on the differences between vampire and zombie, but the family resemblance is unmistakable. Both are human forms seized by an animal aggression, which manifests itself in an insatiable desire to feed on the flesh of innocents. (Blood, brains, whatever; it’s a matter of taste.) Moreover, that very act of biting, in most contemporary versions of both myths, transforms the victims into undead ghouls themselves.
Our vampires and zombies (as well as such poor relations as werewolves) all serve as carriers for vaguely similar saliva-borne infections. These mythical contagions are especially odd because they have so few analogues in the natural world. Indeed, there is really only one: the rabies virus.
A fatal infection of the brain, rabies is particularly devastating to the limbic system, one of the most primitive parts of the brain. Fear, anger and desire are hijacked by the virus, which meanwhile replicates prolifically in the salivary glands. The infected host, deprived of any sense of caution, is driven to furious attack and sometimes also racked with intense sexual urges. Today we know that most new diseases come from our contact with animal populations, but with rabies this transition is visible, visceral, horrible. A maddened creature bites a human, and some time later, the human is seized with the same animal madness.
Known and feared for all of human history—references to it survive from Sumerian times—rabies has served for nearly as long as a literary metaphor. For the Greeks, the medical term for rabies (lyssa) also described an extreme sort of murderous hate, an insensate, animal rage that seizes Hector in “The Iliad” and, in Euripides’ tragedy of Heracles, goads the hero to slay his own family. The Oxford English Dictionary documents how the word “rabid” found similar purchase in English during the 17th century, as a term of illness but also as a wrenching state of agitation: “rabid with anguish” (1621), “rabid Griefe” (1646).
The roots of the vampire myth stretch back nearly as far. Tales of vampire-like creatures, formerly dead humans who return to suck the blood of the living, date to at least the Greeks, before rumors of their profusion in Eastern Europe drifted westward to capture the popular imagination during the 1700s.
In its original imagining, though, the premodern vampire differed from today’s in one crucial respect: His condition wasn’t contagious. Vampires were the dead, returned to life; they could kill and did so with abandon. But their nocturnal depredations seldom served to create more of themselves.
All that changed in mid-19th century England—at the very moment when contagion was first becoming understood and when public alarm about rabies was at its historical apex. Despite the fact that Britons were far more likely to die from murder (let alone cholera) than from rabies, tales of fatal cases filled the newspapers during the 1830s. This, too, was when the lurid sexual dimension of rabies infection came to the fore, as medical reports began to stress the hypersexual behavior of some end-stage rabies patients. Dubious veterinary thinkers spread a theory that dogs could acquire rabies spontaneously as a result of forced celibacy.
Thus did rabies embody the two dark themes—fatal disease and carnal abandon—that underlay the burgeoning tradition of English horror tales. Britain’s first popular vampire story was published in 1819 by John Polidori, formerly Lord Byron’s personal physician. The sensation it caused was due largely to the fact that its vampire, a self-involved, aristocratic Lothario, distinctly resembled the author’s erstwhile employer.
But Polidori’s Byronic ghoul only seduced and killed. It took until 1845, with the appearance of James Malcolm Rymer’s serialized horror story “Varney the Vampire,” for the vampire’s bite to become a properly rabid act of infection. For the first time readers were invited to linger on the vampire’s teeth, which protrude “like those of some wild animal, hideously, glaringly white, and fang-like.” And at the long tale’s end, Varney’s final victim (a girl named Clara) is herself transformed into a vampire and has to be destroyed in her grave with a stake.
Both these innovations carried over into the most important vampire tale of all, Bram Stoker’s “Dracula.” In Stoker’s hands, the vampire becomes a contagious, animalistic creature, and his condition is properly rabid. It is a lunge too far to claim (as one Spanish doctor has done in a published medical paper) that the vampire myth derived literally from rabies patients, misunderstood to be the walking dead. But it is clear that this central act of undead fiction—the bite, the infection, the transferred urge to bite again—has rabies knit into its DNA.
Over time, the vampire’s contagion infected his undead cousin, too. The original zombie myth, as it derived from Haitian lore, also involved the dead brought back to kill, but again without contagion—an absence that carried over to Hollywood’s earliest zombie flicks. In this and many other regards, the most influential zombie tale of the 20th century was nominally a vampire tale: Richard Matheson’s 1954 novel “I Am Legend,” whose marauding hordes of contagious “vampires,” victims of an apocalyptic infection, set the whole template for what we now think of as the standard zombie onslaught.
Since then, as Hollywood has felt the need to conjure ever more frightening cinematic menaces, the zombie has if anything grown increasingly rabid. The antagonists in Matheson’s novel can, at times, carry on an intelligent conversation with a normal human. By the 2007 film adaptation, starring Will Smith, the infected are howling, lunging, senselessly hateful animals inside a human form. Danny Boyle, the director of “28 Days Later,” has said outright that he modeled his zombie virus on rabies. But even if he hadn’t consciously done so, the name he gave that virus—”Rage”—already draws its power from the same centuries-old supply.
Westerners don’t have much cause to fear death from rabies these days. Thanks to the availability of vaccine, human fatalities in the U.S. have dropped to a handful per year; Britain got rid of the virus entirely in 1902, succeeding in just the sort of national eradication project that apparently stymied the vampire-slaying Abraham Lincoln. Yet the infected bite, the human turned animal aggressor, menaces us as often as ever on our flat screens and nightstands.
Rabies itself may be a distant concern, but the rabid idea, like Varney the vampire, still has teeth—and it still succeeds in spreading itself.