Tag Archives: zombie apocalypse

ZOMBIE HISTORY – Zombie Scenes in the Bible

Zombies loom large in popular culture these days. Max Brooks’ “World War Z: An Oral History of the Zombie War” (2006), the Jane Austen, Seth Grahame-Smith mashup “Pride and Prejudice and Zombies” (2009), and Melissa Marr’s “Graveminder” (2011), to name but a few recent novels, enjoy a wide readership. There are also graphic novels, the AMC television show “The Walking Dead,” video games, and of course movies. Some of my recent favorites in the latter category include the Norwegian Nazis-as-zombies film “Dead Snow” (2009) with its delightful tagline “Ein! Zwei! Die!” and Drew Goddard and Joss Whedon’s “The Cabin in the Woods” (2012). With all of this going on, there is little surprise to come across the open-source, collaborative Stinque Zombie Bible. It was just a matter of time, I suppose, and the King James Bible will never be quite the same.

I am an unabashed zombie fan but also teach “classic” English literature and the New Testament so I can’t quite bring myself to desecrate the literary and religious masterpiece that is the Authorized (King James) Version by contributing to the Zombie Bible. Still, wanting to get into the spirit of things, I can’t resist noting a few biblical scenes and themes — a top 10 list — that come to mind each time I watch or read the latest version of the zombie apocalypse to come along. At least in some passages, a zombie-Bible mashup requires very little editorial interference.

1. The Gospel of Luke: “Why do you look for the living among the dead? He is not here, but has risen” (Luke 24:5). Such a suggestive phrase. Note also that the angels asking the question and those they address are standing inside a tomb at the time (Luke 24:2-4).

2. The Book of Revelation: “the sea gave up the dead that were in it” (Revelation 20:13). John the Seer’s creepy statement reminds me of a scene in George A. Romero’s “Land of the Dead” (2005) that features slow-moving corpses walking out of the surf, and Max Brooks’ “World War Z” with its account of the boy returning from a swim with a bite mark on his foot. He also describes the zombie hoards roaming the world’s oceans: “They say there are still somewhere between twenty and thirty million of them, still washing up on beaches, or getting snagged in fisherman’s nets.”

3. Deuteronomy: “Your corpses shall be food for every bird of the air and animal of the earth, and there shall be no one to frighten them away” (Deuteronomy 28:25-26; cf. 2 Samuel 21:10; Psalm 79:1-2; Isaiah 34:2-3; Jeremiah 7:33). The ancients worried about the exposure of their body after death. Improper care of one’s corpse was a terrifying prospect, so it is no wonder it features in prophetic warnings of divine wrath. Qoheleth insists that even though a man lives a long life and has many children, if he “has no burial … a stillborn child is better off than he” (Ecclesiastes 6:3). The indignity of non-burial presumably accounts for the honor bestowed on the poor man Lazarus in Jesus’ parable; the rich man receives proper burial but Lazarus “was carried away by the angels to be with Abraham” (Luke 16:22) because there was no one to care for his remains.

4. The Book of Job: “Why is light given to one in misery, and life to the bitter in soul, who long for death, but it does not come, and dig for it more than for hidden treasures…?” (Job 3:20-21). Job is angry he did not die at birth (3:11), adding that he loathes his life and does not want to live forever (7:16). Others prefer death to life out of principled anger against God, like the prophet Jonah (4:3; cf. 4:8). Physical death eludes a surprising number of people in the Christian Bible, and this is not always a welcome thing. The prophet John refers to some who “seek death but will not find it; they will long to die, but death will flee from them” (Revelation 9:6). The prospect of an elusive death, as every zombie fan knows, terrorizes the living. The “stricken” Charlotte Lucas in “Pride and Prejudice and Zombies” agrees to marry the tedious and obsequious minister Mr. Collins because she wants “a husband who will see to [her] proper Christian beheading and burial.” This is no small task for most survivors left with such a grim assignment, as Shaun well knows: “I don’t think I got it in me to shoot my flat mate, my mom, and my girlfriend all in the same evening” (“Shaun of the Dead,” 2004).

5. The Gospel of Matthew: “The tombs also were opened, and many bodies of the saints who had fallen asleep were raised. After [Jesus’] resurrection they came out of the tombs and entered the holy city and appeared to many” (Matthew 27:52-53). Unwanted persistent life is a recurring image in biblical literature and so too is language referring to the impermanence of bodily death. The dead do not stay dead. The psalmist is confident he will not “see decay” (Psalm 16:10 New International Version; cf. Acts 2:27; 13:35). We read of the physical resurrections of specific individuals (e.g., 1 Kings 17:17-24; Luke 8:49-56; maybe Acts 20:7-12) and expected mass revivals (e.g., 1 Thessalonians 4:16-17). Some of these accounts of un-dying involve reference to un-burying. Mary and Martha’s brother Lazarus walks out of his tomb when “they took away the stone” (John 11:41). On Easter morning, mourners find “the stone, which was very large, had already been rolled back” (Mark 16:4). A second century writer describes further the events preceding Jesus’ emergence from the tomb: “That stone which had been laid against the entrance to the sepulchre started of itself to roll and gave way to the side, and the sepulchre was opened” (Gospel of Peter9.35).

6. Ezekiel: Ezekiel receives a vision promising the restoration of Israel (37:11). Seeing a valley full of bones, the Lord instructs him to speak to them, saying, “O dry bones … I will cause breath to enter you, and you shall live. I will lay sinews on you, and will cause flesh to come upon you, and cover you with skin, and put breath in you, and you shall live” (37:4-6). When Ezekiel does so, “there was a noise, a rattling” as bones come together and sinew and skin appears and the breath of life returns. The dry bones “lived, and stood on their feet, a vast multitude” (37:7-10).

7. Zechariah: “their flesh shall rot while they are still on their feet; their eyes shall rot in their sockets, and their tongues shall rot in their mouths” (Zechariah 14:12). They seem to resemble extras in a George A. Romero film.

8. The Gospel of Mark: “hell, where their worm never dies” (Mark 9:48; alluding here to Isaiah 66:24). Gehenna (here symbolically representing “hell,” and usually translated so, as in Mark 9:44, 45, 47) refers to the Valley of Hinnom located to the south and southwest of Jerusalem. Following the reign of Israel’s righteous King Josiah (see 2 Kings 23:10-14), it became Jerusalem’s garbage heap, a place with maggots and rotting corpses. Jesus refers to this burning garbage in Mark 9:48, a place where residents of the city would leave the rotting corpses of humans and animals to the worms that do not die, to maggots. The image suggests the corpses of the damned rot ingehenna/hell — maggot ridden — in perpetuity.

9. 2 Maccabees: “[Antiochus IV Epiphanes] was seized with a pain in his bowels, for which there was no relief, and with sharp internal tortures — and that very justly, for he had tortured the bowels of others with many and strange inflictions … he fell out of his chariot as it was rushing along, and the fall was so hard as to torture every limb of his body. … the ungodly man’s body swarmed with worms, and while he was still living in anguish and pain, his flesh rotted away, and because of the stench the whole army felt revulsion at his decay. Because of his intolerable stench no one was able to carry the man who a little while before had thought that he could touch the stars of heaven” (2 Maccabees 9:5-6, 7, 9-10). The Syrian ruler’s physical body rots away zombie-like while he still lives. The cause is divine, as the God of Israel strikes this enemy of the Jews with “an incurable and invisible blow” (2 Maccabees 9:5).

10. Genesis with the Book of Revelation: “the earth was a formless void and darkness covered the face of the deep”; “the first heaven and the first earth has passed away, and the sea was no more” (Genesis 1:2; Revelation 21:1). With the disappearance of chaos, Eden returns: “On either side of the river is the tree of life with its twelve kinds of fruit” (Revelation 22:2; cf. Genesis 2:9). Horrors stories often wander back and forth between forms of paradise (ordered society) and chaos (some variant of an apocalyptic hellscape) thus recalling biblical stories with similar alternations. Zombie stories typically depict the disintegration of the modern world, and often hint at a return from the wilderness to the paradisiacal garden for survivors (cf. Genesis 3:23-24). Danny Boyle’s “28 Days Later” (2002), for one, ends with a developing romance between Jim and Salina, happy in the cultivated lands around a cottage that echoes Adam and Eve in the Garden of Eden. The sequel “28 Weeks Later” (2007), however, depicts a failed attempt to restore Eden. After the spread of the disastrous infection in the first film, the sequel documents efforts to repopulate the United Kingdom. Survivors return to their homeland, to what the director’s commentary refers to as “a new world” and a “Garden of Eden.” Naturally, mayhem ensues and the infection spreads as the movie unfolds. It wouldn’t be much of a horror movie otherwise.

ZOMBIE OUTBREAK – PLAN FOR SURVIVAL

“They’re coming to get you, Barbara.” Ever since George Romero’s 1968 classic “Night of the Living Dead,” America has been obsessed with zombies. But some days the zombie apocalypse doesn’t feel so far-fetched. Before you go boarding up your windows, loading your shotgun and stampeding to the nearest cellar, finalize your survival plan. After all, the directo of the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention, Ali Khan, noted in his “Zombie Preparedness” article, “If you are generally well-equipped to deal with a zombie apocalypse, you will be prepared for a hurricane, pandemic, earthquake or terrorist attack.” Oh, joy!

• Somebody has poisoned the water hole: Any viewer of AMC’s “The Walking Dead” knows all too well what happens when a “swimmer” gets into the water supply. The U.S. Geological Survey estimates that the average human can last about a week without water, so make sure to stockpile it before it gets contaminated.

You’ll need about a gallon of water per person per day. The six-gallon Reliance Desert Patrol container ($19.99) is durable and easy to carry. Fill up enough of them so that your water supply lasts several days.

Once you’re forced to abandon your shelter — and you most definitely will be — you’re going to need the Katadyn Pocket Water Microfilter ($295.90). Sold on Amazon, this filter is one of the best in the market for decontaminating outdoor water found in streams, rivers or puddles. The price is hefty, but the cost of drinking zombie guts is higher. .

• Don’t wind up on the menu: As long as you have water, you can survive 30 to 40 days without food. However, after a few days, your body and brain will go weak. In a stressful situation like a zombie assault, a sharp mind and healthy body are vital.

If MREs are good enough for battlefield combat, they’re (hopefully) good enough for zombie warfare. Load up on MREs (Meals Ready-to-Eat) ($94.99 for a 12-pack) from Nitro-Pak. If your mouth’s not watering yet, feast your eyes on the canned chicken, beef, pork and turkey ($55.99 for four 28-ounce cans) from Canned Chicken By Survival Cave Food. Mmm, almost as good as fresh brains!

• Dress to kill: You’re going to need some heavy-duty clothing — preferably something that can withstand a life-threatening bite. Zombie expert and author of “Zombie CSU” Jonathan Maberry suggests body armor made from carpet because it’s hard to chew through and can be found practically anywhere.

The Tru-Spec BDU Trouser ($32.90) and Tru-Spec TRU Combat Shirt ($58.90) from AMFO provide tear-resistant, moisture-wicking skin coverage. Bonus: The garments will also allow you to blend in with those corrupt military personnel that always seem to weasel their way into zombie cinema.

For footwear, get something lightweight, durable and waterproof. The Converse 8877 Waterproof SideZip Tactical Boot ($99.99) is perfect. It even has arch support and heel cushions to supply comfort during those long treks through the city and wilderness.

• My personal weapon of choice is a machete for one simple reason: It doesn’t require reloading. The Condor Tool and Knife 14-Inch Golok Machete ($26.95) from KnifeCenter.com has a solid handle and razor-sharp edge perfect for sending heads a-flying.

• Always remember: Safety first! You’ll need to be able to patch up just about any injury on the go. The 299-piece All-Purpose First Aid Kit ($18.49) from Utility Safeguard includes everything from alcohol cleansing pads and aspirin to an emergency blanket and gauze dressing. The only thing this one-stop kit doesn’t offer is a cure for a zombie bite.

If you aren’t familiar with Max Brooks’ “The Zombie Survival Guide: Complete Protection From the Living Dead” ($10.98), buy it at Barnes & Noble ASAP. The book covers everything from zombie physiology and defense tactics to how to prepare your home for a siege.

Another must-read is Roger Ma’s “The Zombie Combat Manual: A Guide to Fighting the Living Dead” ($13.98). It’ll coach you on how to emerge victorious from a close hand-to-hand battle with a living corpse.

Play video games while you still can. Get an Xbox 360 and buy “Left 4 Dead 2″ ($34.99) at GameStop. It lets you take on the infected with objects like a frying pan, ax, chainsaw and baseball bat. Grab some friends and play in multiplayer mode. Now you’ll know who is skilled with melee weapons. Start saying your goodbyes to the friends who aren’t.

ZOMBIE OUTBREAK – Are synthetic drugs creating zombies?

Zombies are no longer fictional characters that inhabit our movie screens. They have become “real” in the eyes of some people thanks to the new synthetic drugs that are young people have discovered.

HEADLINE from last week: “Man Eats Family Dog After Police Say He Ingested K-2.” This is not a “National Enquirer” headline. This came directly from the Waco, Texas, ABC TV affiliate.

Witnesses claim Michael Daniel assaulted people at his home, chased a neighbor, and began barking and growling. He then picked up the family dog, strangled it, and then began to eat it, hair, flesh and all. Family members claim Daniel was experiencing a bad trip after ingesting K-2.

This is only two weeks later after the infamous Miami incident, where a man, high on synthetic drugs, chewed off the face of a homeless man along a stretch of busy highway. Since then similar zombie/cannibal incidents have been reported in Manatee County, Florida, Maryland, Louisiana, and now Texas. The Maryland incident involved a man reported a man killing and then eating his roommate’s heart and brain. They all have been attributed to synthetic drugs.

Spice, K-2, potpourri, space, bath salts, etc. are forms of synthetic marijuana that until recently were legal and found in many stores. Essentially they are a mixture of dried herbs and spices mixed with chemicals. These drugs are undetectable by smell or drug testing and are quickly becoming the drug of choice amongst drug users.

Here in Clare County, the health department demanded that retailers take the synthetic drugs off their shelves. This is not the case, however, in other counties.  One only has to make the short drive to Bay City where I’m told synthetics are sold at Earth Oddities, Kings and CB Discount.

I’m sure in short order, the sale of synthetics will be banned statewide. However, will that solve the problem? I don’t think so. Because they are readily available, cheap, and provide a quick high, drug users will continue to purchase the drugs illegally.

And that’s a problem. Along with the cannibalistic atrocities, several murders and violent crimes have been attributed to synthetic marijuana. If meth makes people hallucenogenic, synthetics drive some people to violent acts and craziness. It is, say many, the worst drug to come along in a long while.

It’s great that Clare County has prohibited the sale of synthetics. They acted quicker than a lot of counties in this regard. However, as many of us know, a lot of Clare County’s drug problem comes from downstate. Drug users continually run down to buy their drugs off of Detroit area streets to bring them back here to sell and use.

If one is to believe the zombie apocalypse is near- after all it is trending all over the internet, and we all know to believe everything we read on the internet, then we need to do everything we can to eliminate these drugs that make some people want to act like zombies.

More importantly, synthetic drugs, whether they are bath salts, K-2 or whatever, have no business being in the hands of irresponsible drug users. Let’s hope they get a clue, and get off the crap, asap.

ZOMBIE SURVIVAL – How to assemble your zombie response team

More than ever before the issue of possible zombie apocalypse has been on everyone’s minds. There was that face-eating guy, then another guy ate somebody’s brain just weeks later. In Canada (where I’m from) we also had a guy who comitted monstrous, zombie-worthy acts.

The other day, on my way to work I came across a woman sitting on a milk crate. She was surrounded by newspaper clippings about those recent news events and a bunch of hand-written posters that said “ZOMBIE APOCALYPSE COMING. SUN FLARES. AGE OF AQUARIUS.” I was intrigued enough to stop. I said, “What are you selling?” She looked at me, smiled and calmly said, “I’m not selling anything, darling. I’m just preaching. They’re coming.” I looked around for cameras because I am clearly in the movie about zombies… or is this the real thing?

The point is, maybe it’s time to start thinking seriously about how best to prepare for zombie apocalypse and most importantly – who should be on your zombie survival team. I know you’re probably thinking about the kid you used to know who spent his entire childhood studying military strategies and started his own playground army. Or about the guy you knew in high school who could break into that empty warehouse and throw a party complete with foam-making machine and fire-eating acrobats, or maybe the girl who’s was a science whizz in college and patented a biological warfare out of avocado skins. Sure, knock yourself out assembling all those nice people to be on your team, but you’ll still be missing the crucial member: The leader. What you really need is a new parent. No one is better prepared to lead a survival team – just check out the extensive characteristics and training that amount to creating a perfect zombie-resistance fighter like you’ve never seen before.

Physical stamina – Ability to lift extreme weights (toddler, toddler in a stroller) for prolonged periods of time while running through series of obstacles (stairs, taking the stroller on the bus) with only minimal nourishment (eating meals with toddler who demands a variety of dinners or, to be put on a potty or, to climb onto your lap or who simply grabs your food off of the plate and flings it across the room).

Mental stamina – From the Oxford Dictionary of Sports: “The ability to maintain a high level of motivation for long periods despite discomfort and discouragement; a component of endurance.” (Maternity leave?)

Endurance training – For example, prolonged periods of sleep deprivation combined with developing mental stamina (“Why is the cat black?” “Why is the cat a cat?”), with ability to judge quickly in surprising situations (sudden soiled diaper) while continuing to perform at top physical level (making it to daycare, work, playdate on time). This training is also customized for nighttime (“Why is it dark?” “What is night?”).

Excellent strategic planning – For example, tasks to be completed in limited time under duress (work starts at 9 am, daycare is 15 minutes away, it is 8:45, toddler just took all his clothes off for no reason) combined with additional external circumstances (such as sudden rainfall), and conflicting orders from the members of the team (parent #2 remembers important medical appointment at 9:10; there’s only one car).

Judgment – A situation (birthday party for toddlers) with an element of surprise (falling toddler/ a yellow ball that everyone wants to play with despite seven other balls available) that needs immediate resolution (catching toddler/ hiding the yellow ball).

Loyalty – Faithfulness to the team (family) despite extenuating circumstances (family is acting like jerks, everybody is crying, toddler smashed your iPad).

Combat abilities – From Wikipedia: “Combat is a purposeful violent conflict meant to weaken, or establish dominance over the opposition, or to kill the opposition, or drive the opposition away from a location where it is not wanted or needed.” Please note that after five hours of interrupted sleep, three cups of coffee, and I’ve got the power by Snap on repeat and a variety of surprise elements , a parent runs on pure adrenaline. Zombie? Come at me, bro.

Zombie Prep – WHAT YOU NEED IN YOUR BUG OUT BAG

What is a Bug Out Bag?

A bug out bag is a bag (or several) that is supposed to last you for at least 72 hours. The original term was derived from the term ‘bail out bag’ used by many military aviators. The idea soon passed into wide usage among other military and law enforcement.

A bug out bag is to contain items for both leaving an emergency situation as well as going into an emergency situation.

A bug out bag is not required in order to survive, but it is HIGHLY RECOMMENDED!

So where to start?

First things first, you need to determine what the bug out bag is going to be used for. In this case, we’re going to be building a bug out bag for the zombie apocalypse. There are many different types of bug out bags, which means you can have one bag designated for a specific circumstance, such as a fire, earthquake, flood, etc.

But, we’re just going to stick with making one for the zombie apocalypse, since that’s what we do best! Which also means, that we’re going to be recommending items that are meant to last for a long time, instead of just 72 hours.

You’ll need a sturdy backpack. Hikers backpacks are always a great item, since they’re meant for durability. But make sure it’s not a cheap backpack, out of everything, this is the item that you’ll want to spend a bit of money on. Because this backpack will basically be carrying your basics for survival – so get a quality backpack!

What items should I include?

Now here’s the fun part! We’ll recommend several items that we believe you should include in your bug out bag, but don’t take us word-for-word. While these items are highly recommended, you may find that something else works better for you.

1. Containers: Having several containers at your disposal will be extremely useful. These containers can be anything from, water bottles, little kettles, water proof tupperware, etc. When choosing your containers, make sure that you can fit other stuff within the container, that way the container serves multiple purposes. So find random little containers to carry in your pack.

2. Water: This should be a no brainer but the water that you carry with you isn’t going to last forever. You need to find ways to purify water. Such as a little pot to boil water. Or purification tablets. Or even a mini water purifier that they sell at any outdoors store. Whatever you choose, make sure it’s durable and will last for at least several weeks.

3. Food: Canned foods are NOT GOOD! They are bulky and heavy, which will slow you down. One of our members has a bunch of dried foods in zip lock bags that were full of calories and carbohydrates. You want foods that will fill you up quick and give you energy. MRE’s are also good if you can get your hands on them. You should also invest in some fishing wire and hooks, so you can fish for your food.

4. Shelter: The ‘space’ blanket is a favorite of most, and it’s a good choice. Also, poncho’s and poncho liners will be incredible for the cold. With either the space blanket or poncho, you can throw those on around you, light up a little fire inside your poncho and you’d be toasty warm! Plus you’d be protected from getting wet. Finding something that is lightweight and durable will be a shelter lifesaver. A hammock might not be a bad idea, either, since they are generally lightweight and you can string them up practically anywhere.

5. Fire: We don’t recommend flashlights, although they can be great for the first 72 hours, unless you have 100 different flashlights and batteries to go with them (which is impractical to begin with) then you’re going to need an alternative for flashlights. Glow sticks are a great alternative. So is flint and steel. Remember, zombies are attracted to light, so we recommend getting used to the dark and ONLY using fire and light when you’re cooking or need to read a map or compass. Candles and water-proof matches are also a good idea.

6. Weapons: Ah I bet you were just WAITING for this section, weren’t ya? We’re not going to recommend individual weapons, that’s based on personal preference. But instead, just make sure you have enough bullets to get you through for a while and MAKE SURE to use them sparingly. You never know when you’ll come across more ammo, so only shoot when your life depends on it. Also have a few melee weapons available, like knifes, axes, machete’s and such, if not for fighting, then definitely for small game hunting, skinning fish, etc. Find weapons both for survival and for defense.

7. Rope & tape: We recommend 550 cord. It’s the toughest and most long-last rope you’ll ever need or want. We also recommend carrying some duct tape – cause you never know when you’ll need duct tape!

8. Shoes: These don’t go in your bug out bag necessarily, but having the proper shoes will go a long way in keeping you sane. If you have a bulky pack on your back and you’re having to walk A LOT, then having a good pair of shoes will be a life-saver. Be sure to break the shoes in BEFORE it’s time to flee.

9. First aid: Some people are more obsessed with first aid than others. It’s at least a good idea to have a few alcohol swabs, bandages, pair of tweezers, tourniquet (or handkerchief), as well as other varied pieces of first aid that you think you may need.

10. Misc: The rest of the items in your bag will depend on personal preference. An extra pair of clothes perhaps (under armor is highly recommended), carabiners, Zombie Response Team patch (coming soon!), a little radio (for the first 72 hours (or until the batteries run out) to hear news about what’s going on), a mini solar panel (HIGHLY recommended), a hat (to protect your head from the sun and other elements), gloves, compass, really warm socks, a little sewing kit, deck of cards (never know, you may be bored), a picture of loved ones, etc. The list can go on and on.

That about covers it!