Tag Archives: zombie apocalypse
The dangers of bragging about your zombie defense preparation
You are prepared for the zombie apocalypse.
You’ve stocked up on canned goods and ammunition. Your fortified treehouse is built high in the Rocky Mountains. You’re an expert marksman proficient in several different kinds of firearms. You’ve got your pilot license, your Wilderness EMT training, your black belt in Judo, and you’ve won the blue ribbon at the county fair three years running for your green thumb. You know how to make a weapon out of three paperclips and a crumpled Reese’s Peanut Butter Cup wrapper, and you can survive on nothing but tree bark and fingernail clippings for weeks.
You, sir or madam, are prepared for the day when the dead replace the living as the dominant species on Earth and theBRAAAAINS hit the fan. But that doesn’t mean you need to advertise the fact.
It might be tempting to brag to all your friends and neighbors (the ones you haven’t carefully selected as your zombie apocalypse companions for their special skills and ability to remain calm in the face of gruesome death) about how ready you are for the eventuality of zombies. But you must resist the temptation.
Those same people who consider you their “crazy zombie-obsessed friend” today will turn to you for help when the need arises. And when the need arises, corpses will be feasting on the living in the streets and society will face a swift and brutal collapse, so it’s fair to say that those less prepared than you will not be at their most rational or diplomatic.
Being burdened with several unprepared would-be survivors could spell doom for any meticulously planned survival strategy. These are the people who considered your little zombie fixation an “adorable quirk” and tolerated your defense preparations because you were their friend. They have done nothing on their own to make them a valuable asset in the post-zombiepocalyptic world. And they will drag you down.
At the first sign (Or maybe the second or third, since let’s face it: People tend to resist the most obvious explanation) of a zombie outbreak, these acquaintances will come running to you for help. They won’t know that they are merely zombie fodder waiting to happen, but you will. You cannot let them slow you down.
So keep your zombie defense preparations to yourself as much as possible. Don’t go bragging about how you’ll be living large on SPAM for years while they’re shambling about munching on carrion… and being carrion. It might feel good to boast now, but when that government experiment goes awry and corpses start clawing their way up from the grave, you don’t want to be saddled with a bunch of under-prepared dead weight.
Unless you like the idea of using bait, that is.
Stay informed, stay alive: What are some of your zombie defense preparations? Don’t worry, I won’t tell those pesky neighbors who laugh at you for your underground bunker now but will be moaning and shambling about your yard a minute after the first sign of a zombie outbreak.
How to Survive Miami’s Zombie Apocalypse, According to Zombie Expert Jonathan Maberry
According to authorities, there’s a good chance that last week’s face-eating incident was the result of mind-altering drugs. (Just say no, kids.)
But according to the rest of us, it may signal the beginning of an inevitable threat Hollywood has warned us about for years: a zombie apocalypse. (Just ask The Miami zombie.)
Naturally, we’re all a little concerned that the undead may choose our sunny paradise as their next city of smorgasbord. After all, the heat is nice and lubricating for their stiff limbs.
So, in the interest of being prepared, we spoke to zombie expert Jonathan Maberry, author of Zombie CSU: The Forensics of the Living Dead on how best to survive a zombie apocalypse. Y’know, just in case.
Cultist: I’m sure you heard about the recent face-eating zombie attack in Miami. Any commentary?
Maberry: Within a few hours of the report hitting the news I was inundated by emails, IMs, Facebook and Twitter posts telling me, in essence, that the stuff I’ve been writing may not be fiction.
What would you say is the top rule of zombie survival?
Don’t be the dumb loudmouth in your group of survivors. These days, folks are likely to feed you to the zoms and make their escape during the chow-down.
What weapons or supplies should we procure to prepare ourselves?
In my series of teen post-apocalyptic zombie novels (Rot & Ruin, Dust & Decay, etc.) the smartest object of defense isn’t a gun or knife — it’s body armor made from carpet. You can’t really bite through it and there’s carpet everywhere. In the movies, the characters always run out into a crowd of zoms wearing ordinary clothes. I’d tear up the carpet, secure it with some duct tape (and we all have duct tape), and then stroll through the crowd of frustrated zombies.
Can we ply them with any other food besides human flesh?
If we accept the movies of George Romero as “zombie canon,” then the living dead eat everything — humans, animals, insects. We can always breed food for them. And it would provide jobs for farmers in a troubled economy.
How do zombies react to hot weather?
Zombies would thrive in hot weather. The heat keeps them limber. Cold would freeze them solid since body heat comes from blood flow. Of course, as the temperature rises, the zoms would spoil pretty quickly. Smelly … but eventually they’d fall apart.
Can zombies swim?
Zombies wouldn’t be a threat in the water. The freshly killed ones would sink like a stone without air in their lungs for buoyancy. The rotting ones might float because of gasses released by putrefaction, but they would lack the coordination for the mechanics of swimming and couldn’t strategize on how to overcome tides and currents. So, a great way to survive the zombie apocalypse is to strap on that Speedo and take a dip.
Are there different varieties of zombie?
There are several classifications of zombies. The old-school zombies are the raised dead used as slaves by priests of the Haitian religion of vodou. Since the 1960s we’ve come to hang the “zombie” nickname on flesh-eating ghouls of the Romero kind, and these are slow-moving, mindless corpses. Then there are the fast zombies, as introduced first in the film Return of the Living Dead (1985) and made famous in the 2004 Zack Snyder remake of Dawn of the Dead. Then you have the “rage virus-infected,” who are mindless humans infected by a disease that makes them kill everyone they meet. They were first introduced in George Romero’s 1973 flick The Crazies, then later became wildly popular in Danny Boyle’s 2002 classic, 28 Days Later and the 2010 remake of The Crazies. Oh, and Europe is famous for its demonically possessed zombies, and there have been a zillion of those films.
What’s the most common misconception about zombies?
The most common misconception about zombies is that the disease only spreads through bites. However Romero established that everyone who dies, no matter how or why, will rise as a zombies. Bites simply make it happen faster.
So there you have it. Get ready to tear up that carpet and make a swim for it, Miami.
‘Zombie apocalypse’ trending as bad news spreads quickly
The term “zombie apocalypse” has been lighting up the internet all week and has been among the top Google trends Friday morning.
On the Web’s Urban Dictionary, here’s definition No. 4 of zombie apocalypse: “The End of the World, when people who have died rise again in rotten corpses searching for blood and brains to strengthen them.”
While we’re certain the dead are not rising, the past week has seen some of the most disturbing instances of human behavior imaginable.
A man in Miami happens upon a homeless man on the sidewalk and chews off 75% of his face in an 18-minute attack. The attacker’s mother later says her son is not a zombie as portrayed in the media.
Authorities in Canada have launched a massive manhunt for a suspect after a severed hand was sent to Canada’s Liberal Party, a foot to the Conservatives and a torso was stuffed in a suitcase and tossed in the trash of the Montreal apartment building where he lived.
A Maryland man admits to killing his housemate, cutting him up, then eating his heart and part of his brain.
A New Jersey man rips his torso open and throws bits of his intestines at police,according to the Bergen Record.
There have been other equally grisly crimes, but there’s no need to dwell on them.
Fact is, horrible crimes happen all the time.
“This is all nothing new,” said Scott Talan, professor of public communication at American University, with a long work history in public relations and the media.
Bad news attracts attention, he said, and when it happens in bunches, people like to attach a name to it, hence, “zombie apocalypse.”
People also like to see others in bigger trouble than they have themselves, Talan said.
“No matter how your life’s going, someone’s got it worse,” he said.
We like to think, “I’m better off than these people,” he said.
And that’s nothing new, Talan said, pointing out that ancient Roman philosophers used to lament that citizens felt little for the gladiators and what happened in their gruesome contests.
But he said while these stories catch fire quickly in our wired world, they flame out quickly, too.
Unless there’s another gruesome crime today, expect the zombie apocalypse to be done by next week, he said.
Even if that’s the case, there may be some good that can come of the attention zombie apocalypse has drawn on the Web.
A year ago, when zombie movies were the rage, the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention said if it could convince the public to prepare for the zombie apocalypse, maybe they’d be better prepared for disasters more likely to affect their lives, like earthquakes, hurricanes and tornadoes, or a major pandemic.
Or maybe the Mayan apocalypse. Talan points out that it isn’t real, it’s just a name like zombie apocalypse.
But then again, that isn’t supposed to happen until December. There’s still time for that go viral again.
Zombie apocalypse: NJ incident causes SWAT team to decontaminate from gore
Another zombie apocalypse-type incident took place in Hackensack, New Jersey over the weekend, with details surfacing today. Police broke down the door and tried to subdue the man, but they retreated and had the SWAT Team go in. This scene was so gory, that the SWAT team needed to go through decontamination because of all the blood.
Wayne Carter, 43, barricaded himself in his bedroom and started stabbing himself with a 12 inch knife. The deep stab wounds in his abdomen caused his intestines to squeeze out through the wounds. When the SWAT team came through the door, he started throwing pieces of his intestines and flesh at the officers, according to South Coast Today.
The police used two cans of pepper spray on Carter, but it was like he felt nothing and continued stabbing himself. It is unknown what caused Carter to behave this way. An unknown person called 911 to report that Carter had barricaded himself in his room with a knife and was intending to hurt himself. This was the call that set the ball rolling. Carter is in the hospital in critical condition.
Carter had at least 50 self-inflicted stab wounds all over his body and it didn’t appear to bother him at all. This is the second such incident reported this weekend, with the first happening in Miami. Rudy Eugene was found naked and eating the face of a homeless man in broad daylight on a highway off-ramp. When an officer ordered Eugene away from the man, he growled and continued to chew on the victim, according to SMSEO.
When the officer shot him, this still didn’t stop Eugene from eating the flesh of his victim. This left the officer no choice but to continue shooting him until he was dead. The 64 year-old victim, Ronald Poppo, had 80% of his face eaten by Eugene and he is in critical condition in an area hospital today.
See the pictures of the victim and the crime aftermath here on SMSEO.
Both of these two men demonstrated behavior that is not something the people who know them have seen before. Both men showed an unusual tolerance to pain, with one being able to pull out his own intestines and the other being shot without stopping his attack.
Is this some type of new drug that is putting people in such a state of psychosis that they don’t respond to excruciating pain? Conspiracy theories take this as a sign that the zombie apocalypse is beginning. Do you agree or do you think they’ve watched too many episodes of the “Walking Dead?”
Zombie apocalypse outbreak spreading?
A second grisly zombie-like incident, this time in New Jersey. A 43-year-old man named Wayne Carter stabbed himself 50 times. Then when a SWAT team arrived Carter began throwing his intestines at them. He is now in a hospital. Combined with the recent Miami face-eater, Patrick Jones wonders if bath salts and insanity is the kick off of the zombie apocalypse. Watch the video report at the bottom of this column.