Tag Archives: zombie survival guide

Kansas militia expects zombies, and it’s dead serious

It’s got to be one of the coolest names ever for a group:

The Kansas Anti Zombie Militia.

But the group is real and its members are pretty serious about it.

Once the Zombie Apocalypse hits, they’ll be ready for it and they want you to be too.

“Can a natural person change into this monster that many fear?” Alfredo Carbajal, the militia’s main spokesman, said in an interview. “The possibilities are yes, it can happen. We have seen incidents that are very close to it, and we are thinking it is more possible than people think.”

Carbajal and other true believers aren’t so much scared of movie zombies. The apocalypse they see coming is a pandemic spread by a virus that creates zombie-like symptoms.

Last month, the Discovery Channel featured the Kansas militia in a documentary that concluded that such a Zombie Apocalypse — or Zompoc — was possible. The program featured scientists who speculated some evolving virus is bound to jump to humans on our overcrowded planet.

Of course, scientists have been warning about pandemics such as bird flu that don’t produce zombies, but zombies are the hot monsters right now.

A packed house listened last year at St. Mary’s College of Maryland as a chemist, psychologist and student acknowledged the possibility of an epidemic, according to the school’s newspaper.

The panel pointed out that there already have been zombie-like symptoms dating back to 1594; they were eventually determined to be the first recorded human case of furious rabies — an especially serious form of rabies.

Carbajal, 28, didn’t start out as a zombie fighter.

He and several friends grew up in Wamego, home of the Oz museum, watching zombie movies like “Shaun of the Dead,” “28 Days Later” and “Night of the Living Dead” and playing video games like the Left 4 Dead video game series.

The friends designed a web page for fun but then they began wondering what to do if there was actually a zompoc, and their thinking turned serious.

The group has five founders but about 1,500 likes on its Facebook page.

It’s not all zombie crusading; the militia also sponsors a Zombie Walk in October to raise money and food for charities.

But the group’s website points out that the militia is committed to research and preparing for a zompoc.

“We are not crazy. We are not paranoid. We believe in preparedness in any situation,” it says.

Everything you need to know about surviving a zombie attack can be found on the militia’s website — never take on a small horde of zombies by yourself because that would be suicide, and make sure all your skin is covered because blood spatters can be infectious.

Blunt objects are better to use than, say, knives because blades tend to dull after each use. A metal bat and a collapsible baton are the two most recommended weapons.

The site also notes as “a real-life threat to humanity” a biosecurity lab planned near Manhattan, Kan.

Carbajal and his group are not alone in their deep fascination over zombies. Much of the country has been touched.

The “Walking Dead” cable series broke basic cable ratings records with more than 10 million viewers for the first show of season three. And already hype for a movie, based on the book “World War Z,” is widespread even though its release date is six months out.

How-to books have been published in recent years, including the “Zombie Survival Guide,” which made the New York Times Best Seller List, and the “Zombie Combat Manual,” which warns “During a zombie outbreak, 98% of individuals will have to destroy an undead opponent without the aid of a firearm. Will you be ready?”

Carbajal said that if you aren’t a true believer, just being prepared for any apocalypse or natural disaster is a good thing.

“My thought is if you are ready for zombies, you are ready for anything, whether it be natural disasters, fall of government, invasion from another country — the possibilities are endless,” he said. “The point is to keep yourself and your loved ones safe.”

Others agree.

Using the guise of a zombie apocalypse, the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention and state emergency management agencies are trying to get people to be prepared for a natural disaster with at least several days of food and supplies, copies of important documents and a plan.

“It’s a spoof; we are not encouraging a zombie scare,” said Devan Tucking-Strickler, Kansas Division of Emergency Management spokeswoman. “We use the tagline, ‘If you are prepared for zombies, you are prepared for anything and prepared for the unexpected.’ ”

Kansas even used the militia to help promote general disaster awareness.

Members of the group were featured in a photograph with Gov. Sam Brownback when he signed a proclamation declaring October as Zombie Preparedness Month in Kansas.

A little preparation for disaster can prove very important later, but most people don’t prepare, said another viral disaster worrier, Shawn Beatty, who also was featured on the Discovery documentary.

“You can get a first aid kit for $100, something that you should have in your house anyway, or you can go to dinner, take a trip, or have a really nice night out with that $100,” said Beatty, a public-school teacher in Columbia. “Who is going to say, ‘Let’s go buy something that you may not use?’

The Seven Habits of Highly Effective Zombies

Zombie survival guides are a blood-stained dime a dozen, but won’t somebody please think of the zombies?  It’s a hard “life,” full of unending hunger, long monotonous stretches of boredom, a homogenous diet, and unceasing drool.  Plus, you never get to change into a clean pair of underwear, and that’s just bad luck.

Well, I’m somebody—a yummy body to the zombies—and I’m happy to oblige.  It seems fitting that I, man of alterity and otherness, would be considerate of the needs of zombies.  You don’t get much more otherwise than they.  So without further moaning, zombie-walk ado, I present seven habits of highly effective zombies.

  1. Get Involved in a Community – The lone wolf or isolated zombie is easily seen, easily avoided, and easily whacked.  Join a mass of your fellow flesh-eaters and stay hidden.  It offers you safety, strength in numbers, and a better chance of surrounding and getting your mouth on some of that living meat you so excitedly crave.
  1. Be Patient – Aristotle taught that virtue is a mean between excess and defect.  When you’re in a group advancing on your prey, don’t rush to the front where you’ll be the first to fall, and don’t meander at the very back where you’ll never get your hands on even a multiply-stomped-on strip of intestine.  You want to be close to the front, but biding your time.  Wait for the frontline zombies to wear down the food.  When it’s your turn to strike, your meal will be exhausted, out of bullets, and primed for you, the walking abattoir.
  1. Have Foresight – This habit is also important before you become a zombie.  If you know you’re doomed to be dinner and maybe to life as a zombie, try to get bitten on a part of your body that won’t slow you down or handicap you later.  Avoid bites on the leg.  You’ll want mobility.  The face is fine, but make sure you still have a working jaw.  You can get by without an arm, but you’ll be a much more effective killer with all your appendages intact.  I recommend guiding the gnawing jaw of a zombie to your chest or back.
  1. Keep Your Moaning to a Minimum – No sense in announcing your presence.  If your voice box alerts your prey, rip it out.   You’re a zombie; you can take the biblical injunction literally.
  1. Eat on the Run – Some zombies like to sit or crouch down to relax and enjoy their food.  This is usually unwise.  The living may be lurking, looking for distracted zombies to bash in the head.  If you must sit, have your back against a wall, and eat with your head up and your eyes peeled.  By the way, peeled eye is quite succulent if you can get your hands on some.
  1. Attack the Unarmed – This may seem a no brainer, but that’s part of your problem, isn’t it?  Stay away from humans with guns, blades, bats, and other weapons.  You may want to focus on anyone unarmed who could conceivably obtain a weapon and appears to have the knowhow to use it, but this approach obviously has its risks.
  1. Stalk Close Friends and Family – No one wants to shoot a spouse, parent, child, or good friend in the head.  Take advantage of this momentary hesitation to go in for the kill.  Beloved celebrities like Justin Bieber or Katy Perry should stalk their once adoring now delicious fans.  On the flip side, avoid your enemies, and, if you were a horrible boss, your former employees.  People lose their moral compass during a zombie apocalypse and won’t hesitate the blow the brains out of people they really hated if presented with the mere possibility that they’ve become zombies.  In The Simpsons, Zombie Flanders learned this the hard way when approaching his neighbor Homer, who, after shooting his undead foe, remarked, “He was a zombie?”

So there you have it.  Happy effective hunting!

ZOMBIE OUTBREAK – PLAN FOR SURVIVAL

“They’re coming to get you, Barbara.” Ever since George Romero’s 1968 classic “Night of the Living Dead,” America has been obsessed with zombies. But some days the zombie apocalypse doesn’t feel so far-fetched. Before you go boarding up your windows, loading your shotgun and stampeding to the nearest cellar, finalize your survival plan. After all, the directo of the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention, Ali Khan, noted in his “Zombie Preparedness” article, “If you are generally well-equipped to deal with a zombie apocalypse, you will be prepared for a hurricane, pandemic, earthquake or terrorist attack.” Oh, joy!

• Somebody has poisoned the water hole: Any viewer of AMC’s “The Walking Dead” knows all too well what happens when a “swimmer” gets into the water supply. The U.S. Geological Survey estimates that the average human can last about a week without water, so make sure to stockpile it before it gets contaminated.

You’ll need about a gallon of water per person per day. The six-gallon Reliance Desert Patrol container ($19.99) is durable and easy to carry. Fill up enough of them so that your water supply lasts several days.

Once you’re forced to abandon your shelter — and you most definitely will be — you’re going to need the Katadyn Pocket Water Microfilter ($295.90). Sold on Amazon, this filter is one of the best in the market for decontaminating outdoor water found in streams, rivers or puddles. The price is hefty, but the cost of drinking zombie guts is higher. .

• Don’t wind up on the menu: As long as you have water, you can survive 30 to 40 days without food. However, after a few days, your body and brain will go weak. In a stressful situation like a zombie assault, a sharp mind and healthy body are vital.

If MREs are good enough for battlefield combat, they’re (hopefully) good enough for zombie warfare. Load up on MREs (Meals Ready-to-Eat) ($94.99 for a 12-pack) from Nitro-Pak. If your mouth’s not watering yet, feast your eyes on the canned chicken, beef, pork and turkey ($55.99 for four 28-ounce cans) from Canned Chicken By Survival Cave Food. Mmm, almost as good as fresh brains!

• Dress to kill: You’re going to need some heavy-duty clothing — preferably something that can withstand a life-threatening bite. Zombie expert and author of “Zombie CSU” Jonathan Maberry suggests body armor made from carpet because it’s hard to chew through and can be found practically anywhere.

The Tru-Spec BDU Trouser ($32.90) and Tru-Spec TRU Combat Shirt ($58.90) from AMFO provide tear-resistant, moisture-wicking skin coverage. Bonus: The garments will also allow you to blend in with those corrupt military personnel that always seem to weasel their way into zombie cinema.

For footwear, get something lightweight, durable and waterproof. The Converse 8877 Waterproof SideZip Tactical Boot ($99.99) is perfect. It even has arch support and heel cushions to supply comfort during those long treks through the city and wilderness.

• My personal weapon of choice is a machete for one simple reason: It doesn’t require reloading. The Condor Tool and Knife 14-Inch Golok Machete ($26.95) from KnifeCenter.com has a solid handle and razor-sharp edge perfect for sending heads a-flying.

• Always remember: Safety first! You’ll need to be able to patch up just about any injury on the go. The 299-piece All-Purpose First Aid Kit ($18.49) from Utility Safeguard includes everything from alcohol cleansing pads and aspirin to an emergency blanket and gauze dressing. The only thing this one-stop kit doesn’t offer is a cure for a zombie bite.

If you aren’t familiar with Max Brooks’ “The Zombie Survival Guide: Complete Protection From the Living Dead” ($10.98), buy it at Barnes & Noble ASAP. The book covers everything from zombie physiology and defense tactics to how to prepare your home for a siege.

Another must-read is Roger Ma’s “The Zombie Combat Manual: A Guide to Fighting the Living Dead” ($13.98). It’ll coach you on how to emerge victorious from a close hand-to-hand battle with a living corpse.

Play video games while you still can. Get an Xbox 360 and buy “Left 4 Dead 2″ ($34.99) at GameStop. It lets you take on the infected with objects like a frying pan, ax, chainsaw and baseball bat. Grab some friends and play in multiplayer mode. Now you’ll know who is skilled with melee weapons. Start saying your goodbyes to the friends who aren’t.

Zombie Survival Guide Review

The Zombie Survival Guide: Complete Protection from the Living Dead

Let’s face it: at one time or another we’ve all faced a zombie scare we aren’t preparedfor. And yes, the local constabulary usually cleans things up with a minimum of fuss, but what happens when things go wrong and the cavalry doesn’t arrive? That, my friends, is the day that Max Brooks’ “The Zombie Survival Guide” saves your life. With several millennia worth of field experience distilled into a manageable 254 pages, everything you need to know to survive the coming war with the undead can be found in these pages. Your life and the lives of those you love are at stake, act now and be prepared!

OK, so that paragraph was obviously tongue in cheek, but hopefully in conveys some sense of what Brooks’ remarkable “The Zombie Survival Guide” is like. While obviously a parody of both the horror genre and civil defense/survivalist manuals, it maintains an “all-business” demeanor, never once cracking the façade to reveal the underlying humoristic intent. The result is a book that is, when taken as a whole, a funny, incredibly thorough work of satire. However, at the same time, page-by-page, it is a rather accomplished addition to zombie horror.

Starting with zombie physiology and then moving on to weapons, tactics, long-term strategy and history Brooks has produced a manual which has a thoroughness that belies the absurdity of its subject. Point by point he discusses the pros and cons of rifles, machetes and flamethrowers, then considers the optimal defensive positions for various types of outbreaks. After an extensive discussion of survival in a zombie doomsday scenario, he lays out zombie outbreaks through history, and what their implications are. Throughout, entries are extensively cross-referenced and alternative courses of action are always weighed for potential risks and benefits.

The remarkable thing about all this is that Brooks has managed to infuse a tension, and urgency into his manual that makes for great reading. Part post-apocalyptic fiction, part “Night of the Living Dead” and part “Saturday Night Live” sketch, this is a book that should hold appeal across a broad range of genres. Thorough without being dry, creepy without being clichéd, and funny without relying on cheap laughs, “The Zombie Survival Guide” is undoubtedly one of the most original books I have ever read, and one that I enjoyed reading immensely. If you appreciate any or all of these genres, or if you just enjoy a well executed, original idea, this is definitely a book you’ll want to check out.

And remember…Tomorrow may be too late, read this book today!

Zombie Survival Guide