Tag Archives: zombies
MAINE’s OFFICIAL ZOMBIE EMERGENCY DRILL
The undead are wreaking havoc in Maine — in a unique emergency preparedness drill, at least.
About 100 first emergency responders from eight counties in Maine were summoned to Bangor to contain a “zombie apocalypse” Thursday in an exercise intended to train them to react to a mass casualty event, the Bangor Daily News reported.
The participants: Bangor residents outfitted with makeup and fake blood to look as “undead” as possible.
In the exercise, the emergency personnel were tasked with treating the zombie-infected participants to prevent them from becoming zombies.
“If they don’t receive the anti-zombie drug, they progress to stage two and then on to the ‘undead’ stage,” Kathy Knight, director of the exercise’s organizer Northeastern Maine Regional Resource Center, explained.
The whole point of the exercise, according to Knight, was to get first responders to “think outside the box” in dealing with a potential pandemic scenario.
“This gives us the opportunity to do something a little bit different, but it still has the same principles that would apply in a real situation,” Knight told the Bangor Daily News.
“The entire thing is very similar to any regular pandemic influenza planning,” she told the Maine Public Broadcasting Network. “So we can use what we learn here in the planning for that type of event.”
WTF Leprechaun “Zombie Apocalypse” – bizarre beating on the streets of Seattle
A mob of leprechauns reportedly carried out a vicious attack in the city of Seattle.
The victim of the attack claims a group of leprechauns beat him up in a Belltown area bar for dancing with the wrong girl. The police arrived to the bar to find the man covered in blood and screaming in pain.
When the officers asked him who had attacked him he said “It was a bunch of leprechauns.”
A witness at the scene confirmed a group of men beat him up.
The victim of the attack was taken to Harborview Medical Center with multiple head injuries and cuts and bruises to his face, back, knuckles and elbows.
The police have been unable to find the leprechauns involved.
This offbeat story has spread across news publications and websites like wildfire. By Friday afternoon the story was featured on BreakingNews.ie, Gawker, and on Downtown Seattle Komo. After weeks of media fixation on the “Zombie Apocalypse” fueled by the synthetic drug “bath salts” it seems the media are becoming obsessed with this leprechauns.
Gawker’s reporter stated “Following the recent proliferation of zombie-related news stories, it appears America has now moved on to attacks by other fantastical characters.”
They joked “The leprechauns have yet to be apprehended. Be vigilant all ye travelers.”
The Daily Mail took it even further saying “Just as the Zombie threat appears to finally be lifting it seems America could be at the mercy of an even deadlier menace.”
While obviously the leprechaun frenzy in Seattle is far less serious that the horrendous crimes committed under the influence of “bath salts” the media’s reaction to this Seattle man’s claims is something to behold
Best Car to Survive a Zombie Apocalypse
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Conquest Vehicles
Now that the Centers for Disease control has warned Americans to prepare for a possible “Zombie Apocalypse,” it may be a good time to rethink your upcoming automobile purchase.
If Hollywood has thought us anything over the years it’s that, while they are very susceptible to baseball bats, zombies are adept at jumping on cars and breaking through their windows in order to eat the brains of their occupants. Not to fear, there’s one vehicle that should keep your noggin intact.
The Knight XV from Conquest Vehicles wasn’t designed with the undead in mind (at least we don’t think that it was) but the mega-SUV is perfectly suited to the task at rotting hand. About twice the size of your typical HUMMER, the fully-armored truck could likely survive an assault by Team 6, let alone cracked fingernails.
Its opaque bullet-proof glass will keep you out of sight of glazed-over eyes, while ballistic run-flat tires should have no problem driving over the unkempt, bone-strewn streets of your town. It even runs on bio-diesel, so when the supplies run dry you can make your own fuel. Night-vision surveillance cameras and an external listening device serve as an early warning system and a high-power roof-mounted spotlight is just the ticket in case a few vampires find their way into the mix. Hey, you never know.
Granted, the price of survival is high at $300,000, but that’s about how much a three-bedroom costs in Pittsburgh – the location of “Night of the Living Dead” – and you won’t need one if you drive one of these. Its interior is upholstered in leather and Wilton Wool, comes with a flat-screen TV, refreshment bar and satellite TV to pick up the signal from any other survivors who might be out there.
Unfortunately, there’s no bathroom, so good luck with that. But it does come with a cigar humidor so you can live the good life to the fullest while you’re still alive. Hurry up, though, only 100 will be made and you don’t want to be the one stuck driving around in a convertible.
Hyundai’s Zombie Survival Machine
Hyundai is looking toward the future.
Unfortunately it’s a bleak future, where humanity is on the verge of extinction brought upon by the Zombie Apocalypse, but, hey, you’ve got to plan for everything, right?
The automaker has teamed up with the creator of the “The Walking Dead” comic book series, Robert Kirkman, to create a Zombie Survival Machine based on its new Elantra Coupe, which will be unveiled at San Diego Comic Con on July 11th.
The car was designed by Kirkman who tapped a decade of experience vanquishing zombies to come up with the key protective features of the vehicle. These include a spiked cow catcher for plowing through slow-moving zombie mobs, spinning blades protruding from the wheel hubs, slotted metal plates protecting the windows and a metal fence that pops up around the sunroof opening to create a protected firing position. The car runs on all-terrain rally style tires for high speed driving and has an old-school CB radio to communicate with other survivors.
Talk about safety as a selling point.
Zombie culture has reached apocalyptic levels in recent years, with dozens of best-selling books, a TV version of The Walking Dead, and Brad Pitt’s upcoming film, World War Z on the way. Although we hope that the Zombie Survival Machine will ever need to go into production, an illustrated version of it will appear in the 100th issue of “The Walking Dead,” where Hyundai hopes it will connect with fans and send hordes into its showrooms.
Zombie Apocalypse Has Begun! PREPARE PREPARE – Outbreaks Occurring Nationwide
Beginning in May, on a sunny day in Miami, Florida, America began living its very own
Zombie fantasy. As you know, there are thousands of homeless people in the world. Well 65 year old Ronald Poppo, who was one of these unfortunates, was walking in an alley of down town Miami, when 31 year old Rudy Eugene decided he looked delicious. Eugene was found naked under a bridge, chewing on Poppo’s face. The Miami police yelled at Eugene to stop, but he wouldn’t and for Poppo’s safety, the police shot at Eugene. They shot at him in the chest several times but he was still alive, after shooting him even more, Eugene dropped to the ground dead. Poppo is now in a hospital in Miami. He is doing fine and is to have physical therapy.
Poppo is not the only zombie victim in the U.S. there was a woman who ate part of her baby’s brain, three of its toes, and part of its intestines. There was another college student who killed and ate his roommate. That definitely makes me not want to live in dorms. There was another attack where the man threw his own intestines at the police officers. Finally, a Canadian porn star lost it and ate someone, oh and also threatened the Prime Minister.
Yes, there are finally Zombies in North America and who knows if they are in any other part of the world. There is nothing we can do about it. Let’s face it; we all know that this country is all pretty screwed up. There are some crazy people in the country.
People are starting to say that the Zombie apocalypse is almost here. When I was younger, my mother joked around about the zombie apocalypse. I got really scared. Little did know that I was going to write an article about Zombies. People are freaking out about this when you are actually pretty safe. There is a 0.25 in a 10 percent chance that you would be a Zombie victim. But just in case, you should be ready for the Zombies next attack.
Look, everyone knows that the Zombies are coming and there is nothing we can do about it. Just be prepared. This is the updated list of the do’s and don’ts, and how to tell if Zombies are in your town.
Let’s start.
How do you know there are zombies in your town?
Well, if you start hearing crazy people chanting to themselves, then yeah they are on the verge on Zombie-hood (or they are in a popular teen cult…either way, probably bad news). We all know that the crazy people are going to become zombies first because they were neglected and left to live on the streets. You can also tell there are Zombies in the town when you hear screaming and police cars all night long. And the final way to see if there are Zombies in your town is if you see a lot of new (but empty) graves. That means one of three things:
A- The Zombies have been crawling out of their graves.
B- There have been a lot of deaths, which means that they died from Zombies eating them.
C- That pesky teen cult thing again.
How do you prepare for a Zombie apocalypse?
Two words: Get Weapons.
When picking your weapons, you want to get something that you can shoot or throw or stab them with from a long distance because you don’t want to get the Zombie juice on you. The main weapon that you want is a gun. When you get a gun, your first choice is a hand gun. Hand guns can hold more bullets and you can empty and re-lode fast. They are easy for travel and you can put them almost anywhere. You want to make sure that you have more than one gun because the gun can get lost or broken. If you can’t get the gun, then you want a machete. Go ahead and cut off their heads. Make sure that you don’t get the Zombie juice in your blood through a cut or something…it will turn you into a Zombie. You can use pretty much anything, just kill the brain. Cut off the head then smash it. If you want you can burn it. Just don’t let any other Zombie eat the body because then the Zombie will get stronger.
After you get your weapons, you want to get a safe spot. I would say a basement because Zombies can’t lift heavy things or their limbs will fall off. Or you’re going to want to hide in an attic. You want to be as far away from a graveyard as possible. Try getting a cabin in the middle of the woods. Make sure that you have food storage because you don’t know how long you will be there.
How you know you got infected and what to do.
If you got any Zombie juice on you, and you didn’t disinfect it by burning the area you are probably on your way to being a Zombie. If it gets into your blood then kill yourself if you don’t what to become a Zombie. If you decide to kill yourself then you should knock yourself out and have someone throw you in a fire so you know that you won’t become a Zombie. If the Zombie juice gets in your system without you knowing the symptoms of Zombieitis, you’re going to want to go through this check list:
- Are you choking on nothing?
- Do you have green splotches on your skin, dizziness, and craving for raw meat? Especially Brains?
- Is your skin falling off like a leper?
If you said yes to any of these, you may want to kill yourself.
But you never know when they are going to crawl out of their grave…OH WAIT THEY HAVE!
Y’all had better stop reading and start killing the Zombies